Here I go again.
Summer.
It's ruining my life in more ways than one. I have no social life anymore. It's almost gone. I barely leave the house, I mean my bed. I stay up until five in the morning and sleep for almost another eleven hours or so, and it all just repeats. Every day. Every night. I can't tell you what I did 2 days ago, all the days seem to blur together now. That's all my life is now. A blur. I don't think I should do it, but I can't help it. I love the night atmosphere. I love the feeling of being one of the only few awake and thriving. I love the blue glow of the sky and the dark shadow it throws on everything else like ink splattered on sleeping paper.
But worst of all.. I miss her. Very badly. And I think she's mad at me which doesn't help one bit. I'd like to see her again, even if it were just for a brief moment. I want to call her. I come so close to picking up the phone and dialing that number I know by heart, but I can't do it. Something stops me. Maybe it's the fact that I have no chance anymore. All odds are against me. And even now, when I have someone new that could maybe fill that space, that emptiness, that feeling of being in someones eyes.. I back away. It doesn't feel right. This isn't me. I feel like a leech, sucking the life out her only to fulfill myself. I feel like a villian. A crook. A coward for not coming out with how I feel. How I really feel. She doesn't even know me. I don't really know her. I don't even know myself at this time...
I wish everything were so simple. If only I could spin the hand of that clock a few hundred cycles and have everything be fine in the world again. I dream of this every night and I wake up with false hopes. Disoriented and confused. What happened? What went wrong? When did I become the bad guy? Why can't I shake this shadow off me? I feel the need for a sitting in my favorite spot in the entire world. That single road where my friends and I venture to every so often to ponder the questions on life. And maybe this time my answers will lie within the stars. The stars..
I've been reading from this site where people send in postcards to this address with secrets and confessions on them, expressed in their own artwork. In their own unique way. It has opened me up, made me think about how I'm living currently. It probably caused me to write this update. And I'll give credit to Tim for sending me the link.
And two that stopped me in thought:
http://tinyurl.com/8zdbq
http://tinyurl.com/8b3ly
I'ts 4:28am now that I glance at the clock. I have to be up at nine, but I don't see myself falling asleep anytime soon. So now I'm headed off into my thoughts and my music.
And in case I don't talk to you; Good afternoon, good evening, and good night.
It's ruining my life in more ways than one. I have no social life anymore. It's almost gone. I barely leave the house, I mean my bed. I stay up until five in the morning and sleep for almost another eleven hours or so, and it all just repeats. Every day. Every night. I can't tell you what I did 2 days ago, all the days seem to blur together now. That's all my life is now. A blur. I don't think I should do it, but I can't help it. I love the night atmosphere. I love the feeling of being one of the only few awake and thriving. I love the blue glow of the sky and the dark shadow it throws on everything else like ink splattered on sleeping paper.
But worst of all.. I miss her. Very badly. And I think she's mad at me which doesn't help one bit. I'd like to see her again, even if it were just for a brief moment. I want to call her. I come so close to picking up the phone and dialing that number I know by heart, but I can't do it. Something stops me. Maybe it's the fact that I have no chance anymore. All odds are against me. And even now, when I have someone new that could maybe fill that space, that emptiness, that feeling of being in someones eyes.. I back away. It doesn't feel right. This isn't me. I feel like a leech, sucking the life out her only to fulfill myself. I feel like a villian. A crook. A coward for not coming out with how I feel. How I really feel. She doesn't even know me. I don't really know her. I don't even know myself at this time...
I wish everything were so simple. If only I could spin the hand of that clock a few hundred cycles and have everything be fine in the world again. I dream of this every night and I wake up with false hopes. Disoriented and confused. What happened? What went wrong? When did I become the bad guy? Why can't I shake this shadow off me? I feel the need for a sitting in my favorite spot in the entire world. That single road where my friends and I venture to every so often to ponder the questions on life. And maybe this time my answers will lie within the stars. The stars..
I've been reading from this site where people send in postcards to this address with secrets and confessions on them, expressed in their own artwork. In their own unique way. It has opened me up, made me think about how I'm living currently. It probably caused me to write this update. And I'll give credit to Tim for sending me the link.
And two that stopped me in thought:
http://tinyurl.com/8zdbq
http://tinyurl.com/8b3ly
I'ts 4:28am now that I glance at the clock. I have to be up at nine, but I don't see myself falling asleep anytime soon. So now I'm headed off into my thoughts and my music.
And in case I don't talk to you; Good afternoon, good evening, and good night.