(no subject)
I'm taking time off from the world. There seem to be too many private alliances being made now, and it's in such a vicious cycle. & I'm quite tired of running around in circles and panicking. Nobody told me to worry, so I'll finally listen to them and not. Somehow, this feels better off. People have their own lives anyway, suddenly not open for interpretation. Sometimes I don't know why it's such a mega-obligation to help someone who doesn't want to be helped. I know this is somewhat a hypocrytical remark because we just debated over the issue a few weeks ago in YM. So I opened my eys, my heart, whatever really. I need to stop working overtime.
So to you, I don't want to give a fuck if you happen to ruin your Hilary-Lindsay-MKA-teenquen-movie of a life anymore. Go pour out your tragedy to someone else. Or maybe when I finally get my own Pegasus, then MAYBE I'll be too spoiled by the ecstasy that I actually care. Honestly, it silently kills me to see people think that they have actual control of their life and they pour out their melodrama on Livejounal/Blogspot for the entire world and it becomes such a contradiction. I don't have perfect control of my life. That's why I'm whining as if there's no tomorrow. As if the world will only be perfect when I critisize everything. HAHH. I don't know if the right word is 'disgusting", but it's as close as I can get. I mean, seriously, if you think that you can run your own life and you're ready to run naked and wild down Rodeo Drive looting LV and Christian Lacroix along the way (okay, imagination overdrive), then stop complaining when everything goes wrong because you fucking asked for it in the first place. Because as much as I am uncomfortable with the fact that Big Momma, Dad and my friends are breathing down my neck 24/7, they do stop me from doing the stupid. It seems that everytime I extend a hand, you put a open grenade into it instead of your own palm.
But, yes, it might be my pointless ranting that bore you until this point of the entry. So if you want to close the window, go ahead. I'm not someone who you should be "living on the edge with" anyway. And I quote. Please, try indulging in self-pity. Or maybe an entire tub of chocolate fudge. Of which it is more than clear which you prefer, being the OMGZZSXZX-I'M-SO-FAT person that you are. Fuck off bitch, -proceeds to wobble thighs infront of your face- I don't see this entry as an attack on your emotional well-being, but I can safely vouch for the fact that I am way over the hill when it comes to attending to you and your non-existant misery.
People like you deserve probably less. I don't think I'm such a fantastic person myself but I know what I deserve and it's a far cry from you. I know that I need to stop talking in circles and actually have a point to stand on, but there's just so many things that suddenly surfaced I almost punched myself for being so blind. Coming to terms with the harsh reality of it all was actually really beautiful. Now that I've found out that a nemesis has actually marked itself as PRESENT in my life. Finally, someone I can lose my patience to, aside from the squad.
Which brings me to another matter altogether. The limits of patience. Mine, particularly. People keep commenting on how patient I am. I don't know if I'm at an advantage or not. I try not to dwell on it so much because it seems less than trivial. I've never really felt how it was like to be climbed over, or maybe it's just the fact that I was too immune to it to ever realize it was being done all along. Controversial, yes, but I don't think I'll change anytime soon. I think I avoid anger like plague. The squad is probably the only ones who have heard me shout. I hope to keep it that way. Long run or not.
And to top this Sundae with a cherry, you HAD to reply like, 17943174 hours later you're sorry you acted the way you were before. What the fuck. I'd rather sacrifice Minty-Fah and Seafray to a kid armed with the rainbow's colours of permanent markers in his hand than say "It's okay". Because I know it wouldn't be the last time.