too many nights sitting here alone on my bed lead to this
wow, looking back at the summer. everything seems to have changed so much. I feel like I've grown up alot..and I'm not completly sure if thats a good thing or not. or maybe it's just the state of mind that I tend to have in the summer. everything is so carefree and bright and happy. things are always a little on the shitty side when it's right smack in the middle of winter. things aren't that bad now anyway, I just need to get healthy and keep my grades up. and I think not seeing the sun for so long is also what tends to make things seem not so great in the wintertime. I think I'm just not quite as much of a little girl anymore..I guess that I just went through some stuff that wasn't exactly fun and it kind of just forced me to grow up, obviously not completly because I'll nevre grow up completly but at least a little bit. I've been lonely on and off lately and I've been catching myself from time to time almost wanting a boyfriend, but I have really mixed feelings about the whole relationship thing. I have enjoyed being single..and I really think that being single helps to improve your friendships. I don't plan on rushing into anything serious either, serious relationships can be a really fucking scary thing and if you go into one when you're not ready, it can turn out to be a fucking disaster. anyway yeah. so about me making this weird heart felt entry out of fucking no where. and I'm actually kind of excited about my birthday this year, not that I have anything great planned or I want anything special..but once it's my birthday it's spring and then its summer again...and I really do want summer again.