Looking Back.
I just went through this livejournal and made most of my old entries private. When I first got a livejournal, Katy Crawly gave me a valuable piece of advice: "don't post anything you don't want anyone else to know on livejournal." I did not follow her advice, and used this as more of a journal to myself and now I look back and see how young I was and how far I've come. I'll probably be saying the same thing a couple years from now as well. Anyway I made a bunch of entries private because I don't want the whole world to know all my embarrassing internet drama from freshman year on. Its funny how things have changed. I used to fear change more than anything, I used to hate change because to me change meant losing people you loved. I'm not like that at all anymore and I'm glad. Looking back has made me realize a lot of things:
The first thing I noticed were all the people that have touched my life, all the little comments I received from people I may or may not have known very well, but I got a lot of really good advice throughout the years.
Another thing I noticed was how entirely convinced I was I would have certain people in my life forever. If someone had asked me to jump off a bridge for my three best friends sophomore year I would've done it. At one point in my life I believed I might be with my first love forever. I’m not upset I’m not best friends with the people I was best friends with sophomore year or that I’m not still with my first love, but looking back I’ve realized that there is a part of me that will always love them, and although things have changed and sometimes I get impatient or upset with people I have history with, I will always care about them.
Another thing I realized is that I judge people for the same irrational thinking and annoying traits I once had just a few years ago. I should chill out.
The last thing I’ve realized is how far my family has come. Once upon a time I absolutely hated my parents. We both could’ve done things differently back then. Instead of reading books and listening to radio shows about how to parent, reading their daughters journals and threatening to send me to an all girl boarding school, they could have just tried to talk to me. They could have been a bit more open minded instead of jumping to conclusions when I brought home a friend with pink hair or went to a show where the audience is made up of Mohawk-dawning teens. Instead of sneaking around and writing hateful things about my parents and rebelling and telling them lies and things they so did not deserve or playing the role of tortured teenager and assuming they wouldn't understand, I could have tried express myself better.
Now the majority of my friends are ‘alternative’ looking and my little brother has a mohawk. My parents have gotten over the shock of having a perfectly manicured male dripping of glitter in their house. Hard as it was, I think deep down they finally understand that just because you have brightly colored hair and a nose piercing doesn’t mean you’re a delinquent (although as long as I’m living under their roof I’m still not allowed unnatural hair colors or nose piercings). They know because my friends have proved that.
A week ago I went to see my Nana and Papa. Religion is very important to my family, especially my grandparents and for the first time in my life I revealed to them that (to put it gently) I doubted my faith. To my surprise, their reaction was calm, kind, and understanding. Instead of pushing their beliefs on me, they respected my honesty and had some great things to say. They made it clear how much they loved me and respected me, and that’s when it really hit me-I really underestimated them. Once upon a time I used to think I was the black sheep of the family. Now I think that maybe we’re not so different after all. I love them very much.
The first thing I noticed were all the people that have touched my life, all the little comments I received from people I may or may not have known very well, but I got a lot of really good advice throughout the years.
Another thing I noticed was how entirely convinced I was I would have certain people in my life forever. If someone had asked me to jump off a bridge for my three best friends sophomore year I would've done it. At one point in my life I believed I might be with my first love forever. I’m not upset I’m not best friends with the people I was best friends with sophomore year or that I’m not still with my first love, but looking back I’ve realized that there is a part of me that will always love them, and although things have changed and sometimes I get impatient or upset with people I have history with, I will always care about them.
Another thing I realized is that I judge people for the same irrational thinking and annoying traits I once had just a few years ago. I should chill out.
The last thing I’ve realized is how far my family has come. Once upon a time I absolutely hated my parents. We both could’ve done things differently back then. Instead of reading books and listening to radio shows about how to parent, reading their daughters journals and threatening to send me to an all girl boarding school, they could have just tried to talk to me. They could have been a bit more open minded instead of jumping to conclusions when I brought home a friend with pink hair or went to a show where the audience is made up of Mohawk-dawning teens. Instead of sneaking around and writing hateful things about my parents and rebelling and telling them lies and things they so did not deserve or playing the role of tortured teenager and assuming they wouldn't understand, I could have tried express myself better.
Now the majority of my friends are ‘alternative’ looking and my little brother has a mohawk. My parents have gotten over the shock of having a perfectly manicured male dripping of glitter in their house. Hard as it was, I think deep down they finally understand that just because you have brightly colored hair and a nose piercing doesn’t mean you’re a delinquent (although as long as I’m living under their roof I’m still not allowed unnatural hair colors or nose piercings). They know because my friends have proved that.
A week ago I went to see my Nana and Papa. Religion is very important to my family, especially my grandparents and for the first time in my life I revealed to them that (to put it gently) I doubted my faith. To my surprise, their reaction was calm, kind, and understanding. Instead of pushing their beliefs on me, they respected my honesty and had some great things to say. They made it clear how much they loved me and respected me, and that’s when it really hit me-I really underestimated them. Once upon a time I used to think I was the black sheep of the family. Now I think that maybe we’re not so different after all. I love them very much.