(no subject)
I saw Justin for the first time tonight in months and months and months.
It was good. He's one of those friends you'll always have, even when you don't see him for a year. It will still be the same when we do see eachother. Unless he decides to just go crazy out of the blue.
Either way, he's pretty awesome.
Bobby and I are so close that he knows exactly what to say to piss me off. He got me sooo heated tonight, I'm pretty much over it. I just can't take when someone takes the only positive people in your life and uses them as an excuse to make you mad. Not cool, not cool at all. Try me again fucker.
Whatever. I just want Christmas to come so I can be appreciative and loving the way i SHOULD be all year long. I'm always in such a great mood on Christmas and I want to show my family this year how much I care.
I'm not sure why, but I've been feeling really anxious lately. I'm paranoid about the medication I'm on... you just never know with medication if you should be taking it, or shouldn't. Especially when I know for a fact just because you go to Medical school, doesn't mean you know what the fuck you're talking about. ...On top of the fact that school in general is about 90% bullshitting your way through it because there's just no other way.
I need overanalyzing everything. I get all these thoughts in my head...
This morning I woke up bright and early to drive my mom around to do her errands. I was in a lot of pain and I tried talking to her about it. It didn't exactly go how I hoped it would, but then again, I don't know what I was expecting. I think I was just looking for some kind of comfort, some words of wisdom I haven't heard already, but at the end of the conversation, I think it just ended up her feeling bad and blaming herself that she didn't "force" me to go to the doctor. Not what I had intended whatsoever. The last thing I need is for my mom to be blaming my pain on herself. It just happenend, there's no turning back. I think I need to talk to someone..... there's no getting through this without saying it outloud. I feel like a ticking timebomb if I don't say how much I hurt once a day, even if it's to myself. It's pathetic really.
Hope is all that's left for tonight.... what else can you do?
On a better note...
CHRISTMAS is coming!
CHRISTMAS EVE is tomorrrrrow! :)