lonnnng overdue. x-posted to myspace.
i haven't done this in so long. i dont even know if i remember how to put my thoughts on paper... er... screen.
yutzyjbear recently made a post about distance and it prompted me to sit and fill in some of the details of my trip to california and my recent "in a relationship" status.
almost 4 years ago on that dreaded Strangest Tribe, i met a boy. we bumped into each other in a thread that was discussing music to fall asleep to, and we bonded over a mutual love for the smashing pumpkins. i told him about my imports and boots that got stolen from my car in the kmart parking lot.. 4 or 5 days later, a box showed up on my doorstep with about 70 burned CDs in it. his generosity for a stranger blew my mind, and we became super close real fast. i'd always had thought about what it would be like for us to be together.. but the distance... i kept my feelings to myself.
we've been friends for a long time now, once even talking about me going to grad school out in chicago and being "roommates". i chickened out, and this past august, he took a job in san francisco. he moved out to the bay area, and didn't know a soul. he would call when he had no one to talk to, or nothing to do. we've spoken every day since august. back in november, we started talking about planning a visit. he seemed okay with the idea, but wasn't overly excited about it. it made me nervous, but i knew that i had to go anyway. i had to see him. i needed to find out if i felt the same way when i was looking him in the eyes.
after weeks of stalking southwest, i found the BEST DEAL EVER. they were offering r/t airfare to oakland for $140something ($176 after taxes and fees). i bought the ticket, called him and said "i'm coming in january!". his apprehension immediately turned to excitement. i asked why he seemed so disinterested before, and he let on that he didn't want to get his hopes up because we'd talked about it before. he thought i was going to chicken out again.
getting on that airplane was the scariest thing i think i've ever done. yutzyjbear called me while i was in the airport, and her excitement made me feel a little better. i'm a nervous flyer to begin with, and knowing that D was waiting for me at the other end completely terrified me.
i sucked it up, and tried to enjoy the terribly turbulent and slightly delayed flight. (BTW - oakland airport is the ghettoest airport on the planet) as i came down the escalator to baggage claim, i had to bite my tongue to hold back the tears when i saw him standing there. i ran to him and we hugged for what seemed like forever. what a cliche romantic comedy movie scene!
i couldn't sleep at all that night.. partially because i was so damned excited to be there and partially because i was so over-tired that i was punch drunk. i thought for sure that D was going to throw me out the window if i brought up one more random pointless story that night while he was trying to sleep. i spent most of friday walking around san fran looking at buildings and people watching. the rest of the weekend was spent doing touristy-but-not things... went to alcatraz on saturday and had a fancy dinner on top of the bank of america building on sunday. monday, after i threw up all over the place and ridiculously embarrassed myself, we got to be big kids while we ventured to the exploratorium, a science museum in san francisco. i'd been to most of these places before, but doing them with D made everything seem new and magical.
getting to the airport on tuesday morning was a bit of an ordeal. i was tired, and cranky - most definitely didn't want to be headed home. for the entire train/bus ride, i was on the verge of tears. i felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. it was awful. i was secretly hoping that i missed my flight, and got to stay in california with him forever.
yet again, we had another movie moment as i was standing in the security line.. he began to cry, and i completely lost it. i wanted to tell him that i loved him... that i'd loved him for the past 4 years, and i just didn't want to admit it.. but i couldn't. i was too afraid. (BTW, i'm super dramatic. i should be an actress). as i began to strip down for my security search, and D finally walked through the doors to the outside, i really regretted my fears and was angry with myself for not telling him how i really felt. i passed through the metal detector, and my cell phone rang. it was D calling from the bus stop outside the airport. he said that he missed me already, that he loved me more than anything, and that i needed to call him as soon as my plane landed because he wanted to talk. needless to say, i cried all over again.
after several days of hashing through the "i miss you"s and the "i can't wait to see you again"s, D and i agreed that we had something special here and that we needed to make it work out. he immediately notified his boss that he was interested in a transfer to the east coast, and planned to come visit here in april. he'll be here for 11 days or so around easter, and is expecting to be living in the dc/maryland area in december. it's not new jersey but it sure is closer than california. ........and i'm not opposed to moving down there myself to be with him.
so that's that.. thank you all for listening and for being patient in waiting for this long overdue update.
love you all.
yutzyjbear recently made a post about distance and it prompted me to sit and fill in some of the details of my trip to california and my recent "in a relationship" status.
almost 4 years ago on that dreaded Strangest Tribe, i met a boy. we bumped into each other in a thread that was discussing music to fall asleep to, and we bonded over a mutual love for the smashing pumpkins. i told him about my imports and boots that got stolen from my car in the kmart parking lot.. 4 or 5 days later, a box showed up on my doorstep with about 70 burned CDs in it. his generosity for a stranger blew my mind, and we became super close real fast. i'd always had thought about what it would be like for us to be together.. but the distance... i kept my feelings to myself.
we've been friends for a long time now, once even talking about me going to grad school out in chicago and being "roommates". i chickened out, and this past august, he took a job in san francisco. he moved out to the bay area, and didn't know a soul. he would call when he had no one to talk to, or nothing to do. we've spoken every day since august. back in november, we started talking about planning a visit. he seemed okay with the idea, but wasn't overly excited about it. it made me nervous, but i knew that i had to go anyway. i had to see him. i needed to find out if i felt the same way when i was looking him in the eyes.
after weeks of stalking southwest, i found the BEST DEAL EVER. they were offering r/t airfare to oakland for $140something ($176 after taxes and fees). i bought the ticket, called him and said "i'm coming in january!". his apprehension immediately turned to excitement. i asked why he seemed so disinterested before, and he let on that he didn't want to get his hopes up because we'd talked about it before. he thought i was going to chicken out again.
getting on that airplane was the scariest thing i think i've ever done. yutzyjbear called me while i was in the airport, and her excitement made me feel a little better. i'm a nervous flyer to begin with, and knowing that D was waiting for me at the other end completely terrified me.
i sucked it up, and tried to enjoy the terribly turbulent and slightly delayed flight. (BTW - oakland airport is the ghettoest airport on the planet) as i came down the escalator to baggage claim, i had to bite my tongue to hold back the tears when i saw him standing there. i ran to him and we hugged for what seemed like forever. what a cliche romantic comedy movie scene!
i couldn't sleep at all that night.. partially because i was so damned excited to be there and partially because i was so over-tired that i was punch drunk. i thought for sure that D was going to throw me out the window if i brought up one more random pointless story that night while he was trying to sleep. i spent most of friday walking around san fran looking at buildings and people watching. the rest of the weekend was spent doing touristy-but-not things... went to alcatraz on saturday and had a fancy dinner on top of the bank of america building on sunday. monday, after i threw up all over the place and ridiculously embarrassed myself, we got to be big kids while we ventured to the exploratorium, a science museum in san francisco. i'd been to most of these places before, but doing them with D made everything seem new and magical.
getting to the airport on tuesday morning was a bit of an ordeal. i was tired, and cranky - most definitely didn't want to be headed home. for the entire train/bus ride, i was on the verge of tears. i felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. it was awful. i was secretly hoping that i missed my flight, and got to stay in california with him forever.
yet again, we had another movie moment as i was standing in the security line.. he began to cry, and i completely lost it. i wanted to tell him that i loved him... that i'd loved him for the past 4 years, and i just didn't want to admit it.. but i couldn't. i was too afraid. (BTW, i'm super dramatic. i should be an actress). as i began to strip down for my security search, and D finally walked through the doors to the outside, i really regretted my fears and was angry with myself for not telling him how i really felt. i passed through the metal detector, and my cell phone rang. it was D calling from the bus stop outside the airport. he said that he missed me already, that he loved me more than anything, and that i needed to call him as soon as my plane landed because he wanted to talk. needless to say, i cried all over again.
after several days of hashing through the "i miss you"s and the "i can't wait to see you again"s, D and i agreed that we had something special here and that we needed to make it work out. he immediately notified his boss that he was interested in a transfer to the east coast, and planned to come visit here in april. he'll be here for 11 days or so around easter, and is expecting to be living in the dc/maryland area in december. it's not new jersey but it sure is closer than california. ........and i'm not opposed to moving down there myself to be with him.
so that's that.. thank you all for listening and for being patient in waiting for this long overdue update.
love you all.