Things guys should recognize
This is SO funny!! :)
taken from greeneyesonme
A Very Wise Woman once said ...
:)>Things Guys Should Recognize!!
> >
> >1. Long hair is not the most important factor. Some short hairstyles
> >are bangin', short dicks ain't. Get your priorities straight, stumpy.
> >
> >2. Definition of a gold-digger: Former innocent, loyal, sweet,
>heartbroken girl who has come to the conclusion that men just don't give a fuck about women and have nothing to offer besides dick, and money. Dick disappoints
> >sometime, money never does.
> >
> >3. Just cause your loyal girlfriend forgave you for cheating, it doesn't
> >mean things will remain the same. Newsflash: Any cute male "friend"
> >that she may have has now moved up a few knotches, playa.
> >
> >4. Big titties can't suck a good dick. Nuff' said.
> >
> >5. If she's mad cool, the two of you always get along with
> >no arguments, and kicking it with her is like kicking it with your boys,
> >keep up the good work. You haven't pissed her off yet.
> >
> >6. Girls can fuck you and keep it movin' too. Stop thinkin' that if you
> >fuck with us we're gonna catch feelings. Ain't nobody thinking about you
> >nigga. Our boyfriend was just acting up that week.
> >
> >7. The REAL freaks aren't the loud, obnoxious, promiscuous, titties
> >hangin' out, tight everything on, excessive makeup wearing girls who
> >emulate chics in a Jay-Z video. Nah, she's the QUIET one with the
> >sweatsuit, sneaks, ponytail, makeup-less face, doin' her, just chillin'.
> >That unsuspecting, "plain" chic will have you thinking your dick will
> >fall off if she leaves. Not to mention, kick one of them
> >obnoxious bitches' asses.
> >
> >8. Real freaks keep their shit undercover because if every nigga knew
> >how good her shit was and how easily she gives in to tempatation,
> >her coochie would wear out like a stretched rubber band. We all
> >know how many times you gotta wrap that sucker around before it
> >holds tight.
> >
> >9. Just because a girl gives you her phone number that day, doesn't
> >mean she expects to hear from you that night. Pretend like you have
> >a life.
> >
> >10. Shouting obscenities at a girl just because she DIDN'T RESPOND
> >to your, "Yo shorty", (when you're shorter than her), or your "Ma, Ma,
> >Ma",(when you ain't her fuckin' son), or to "Damn! girl!" (when she's
> >with her man), only makes you look EXTRA stupid. All that cursin'
> >while she's walking away...you still think she's fine, nigga.
> >
> >11. If you want to mess around with the n ext chic, just tell your
> >girl. She's not gonna drop dead from sadness. She might drop on her
> >knees though... to thank God for giving her the opportunity to mess
> >with that cute guy at school/work/the grocerystore/next door/on the
> >train/on the bus/on the UPS truck/ex she use to mess with/friend of
> >yours that's tryin' to get with her on the low/ etc. etc. nigga.
> >
> >12. You don't choose the girl you want to be with. By the time you even
> >recognize her, she has already, loved you, kissed you, touched you,
> >sucked you, fucked you, played you, and thought of a way to drop you,
> >for that other nigga whose eyein' her too.
> >
> >13. Men swear that girls resort to masturbation like they do. If a girl
> >says she doesn't play with her shit, it is conceivable. When we get horny,
> >we call a nigga. As women, we have more sex appeal, more
> >seductive tactics to trap guys, and therefore more options than guys.
> >And, our options never have their period and are ALWAYS ready to
> >fuck. With so little resistance from you all, why play with our own
> >shit?
> >
> >14. A girl's love and trust is like tissue. Once you've shit on it, you
> >will never get it back to it's original state.
> >
> >15. ATTENTION ALL NIGGAS, STOP GIVING FLOWERS WHEN YOU FUCK UP:
> >Flowers don't make amends for all your wrongs. If anything, they
> >remind us of the course of the relationship: at first it's colorful,
> >bright, and blooming everyday. Then it dries out, crumbles, and
> >disintegrates until it's dead. Now it's time for some new flowers, if you know what I mean.
> >
> >16. Girls don't dress up and look attractive to impress guys. We do
> >all that extra shit to make us happy. We could have a rag on our
> >head, no teeth, and one leg, but if our ass or titties are big, we
> >could still bag one of you fools. Why dress up unnecessarily?
> >
> >17. Oh yeah, those girls in the video? THEY DON'T WANT YOU.
> >You better pay attention to the girl sittin' next to your droolin' ass.
> >
> >18. If a girl claims that you're sexually harassing her, you're ugly.
> >Plain and simple. Sexual harassment is based solely on how
> >attractive or unattractive the so called "harasser" is. Like a girl
> >is gonna press charges because Allen Iverson told her she
> >had a nice ass.
> >
> >20. When you really have a chic's heart, and you really have her
> >open, she's sucking your dick. If she ain't doin' that, go
> >re-evaluate yourself playa. She ain't open.
> >
> >21. If a girl is sucking your dick and you're not even eating the
> >pussy, and she ain't complaining, don't brag to your boys and
> >laugh cause you think you're the man. Another nigga is handlin'
> >what you're scared to do. Ha!Ha!
> >
> >22. Just cause a girl introduces you to her parents, doesn't mean
> >she's serious about you. It's just that her parents keep sweatin' her
> >because they want to see the face of the person giving booty calls
> >waking up the entire house at 3am in the fuckin' morning every night.
> >
> >23. Just because you spent a couple of nights at your girl's
> >apartment, doesn't mean you live with her. Take yourdirty draws home
> >and wash them yourself. And stop tryin' to leave signs of your
> >presence. Other niggas drop by too.
> >
> >24. When you interrupt our making out to get up for a sudden
> >bathroom run, we know you're jerking off to get rid of that inital nut.
>If
> >she doesn't know, it's because she hasn't caught a nigga yet.
> >
> >25. Do you really think we don't know when you're on the phone with
> >some chic? Nuff' said.
> >
> >26. If your girl is always asking about how one of your friends is doing,
> >she's doing one of four things: dreaming about being with him, wishing
> >she met him before she met you, considering sleeping with him after
> >the two of you break up, or sleeping with him already.
> >
> >27. Just because you honk your horn at a girl and she turns to look
> >at you, it doesn't mean that she's diggin' you.It's because she's in the
> >street and you honked your horn. Basic reflex is to turn and look. Drive
> >on genius.
> >
> >28. When you don't call your girl, compliment your girl, take your
> >girl out, romance your girl, adorn your girl with flowers and gifts, but
> >you're still able to call her "your girl"...it's because someone else is
> >calling your girl, complimenting your girl, taking your girl out,
>romancing
> >your girl, adorning your girl with flowers and gifts, and has people
> >thinking that's "his" girl, fool.
> >
> >29. Once you forget her birthday, she may forgive you, but she will
> >never forget it. It WILL come back to haunt you one day.
> >
> >30. Motels are not romantic. The idea of lavish surroundings to a
> >girl consist of more than just whether or not a bed is available.
> >
> >31. You'll NEVER be able to understand, figure out, outsmart, out
> >think, pull as many girls as she does guys, out talk, out argue, or out
> >love a girl. It just isn't possible.
Happy April Fools Day!! <3
taken from greeneyesonme
A Very Wise Woman once said ...
:)>Things Guys Should Recognize!!
> >
> >1. Long hair is not the most important factor. Some short hairstyles
> >are bangin', short dicks ain't. Get your priorities straight, stumpy.
> >
> >2. Definition of a gold-digger: Former innocent, loyal, sweet,
>heartbroken girl who has come to the conclusion that men just don't give a fuck about women and have nothing to offer besides dick, and money. Dick disappoints
> >sometime, money never does.
> >
> >3. Just cause your loyal girlfriend forgave you for cheating, it doesn't
> >mean things will remain the same. Newsflash: Any cute male "friend"
> >that she may have has now moved up a few knotches, playa.
> >
> >4. Big titties can't suck a good dick. Nuff' said.
> >
> >5. If she's mad cool, the two of you always get along with
> >no arguments, and kicking it with her is like kicking it with your boys,
> >keep up the good work. You haven't pissed her off yet.
> >
> >6. Girls can fuck you and keep it movin' too. Stop thinkin' that if you
> >fuck with us we're gonna catch feelings. Ain't nobody thinking about you
> >nigga. Our boyfriend was just acting up that week.
> >
> >7. The REAL freaks aren't the loud, obnoxious, promiscuous, titties
> >hangin' out, tight everything on, excessive makeup wearing girls who
> >emulate chics in a Jay-Z video. Nah, she's the QUIET one with the
> >sweatsuit, sneaks, ponytail, makeup-less face, doin' her, just chillin'.
> >That unsuspecting, "plain" chic will have you thinking your dick will
> >fall off if she leaves. Not to mention, kick one of them
> >obnoxious bitches' asses.
> >
> >8. Real freaks keep their shit undercover because if every nigga knew
> >how good her shit was and how easily she gives in to tempatation,
> >her coochie would wear out like a stretched rubber band. We all
> >know how many times you gotta wrap that sucker around before it
> >holds tight.
> >
> >9. Just because a girl gives you her phone number that day, doesn't
> >mean she expects to hear from you that night. Pretend like you have
> >a life.
> >
> >10. Shouting obscenities at a girl just because she DIDN'T RESPOND
> >to your, "Yo shorty", (when you're shorter than her), or your "Ma, Ma,
> >Ma",(when you ain't her fuckin' son), or to "Damn! girl!" (when she's
> >with her man), only makes you look EXTRA stupid. All that cursin'
> >while she's walking away...you still think she's fine, nigga.
> >
> >11. If you want to mess around with the n ext chic, just tell your
> >girl. She's not gonna drop dead from sadness. She might drop on her
> >knees though... to thank God for giving her the opportunity to mess
> >with that cute guy at school/work/the grocerystore/next door/on the
> >train/on the bus/on the UPS truck/ex she use to mess with/friend of
> >yours that's tryin' to get with her on the low/ etc. etc. nigga.
> >
> >12. You don't choose the girl you want to be with. By the time you even
> >recognize her, she has already, loved you, kissed you, touched you,
> >sucked you, fucked you, played you, and thought of a way to drop you,
> >for that other nigga whose eyein' her too.
> >
> >13. Men swear that girls resort to masturbation like they do. If a girl
> >says she doesn't play with her shit, it is conceivable. When we get horny,
> >we call a nigga. As women, we have more sex appeal, more
> >seductive tactics to trap guys, and therefore more options than guys.
> >And, our options never have their period and are ALWAYS ready to
> >fuck. With so little resistance from you all, why play with our own
> >shit?
> >
> >14. A girl's love and trust is like tissue. Once you've shit on it, you
> >will never get it back to it's original state.
> >
> >15. ATTENTION ALL NIGGAS, STOP GIVING FLOWERS WHEN YOU FUCK UP:
> >Flowers don't make amends for all your wrongs. If anything, they
> >remind us of the course of the relationship: at first it's colorful,
> >bright, and blooming everyday. Then it dries out, crumbles, and
> >disintegrates until it's dead. Now it's time for some new flowers, if you know what I mean.
> >
> >16. Girls don't dress up and look attractive to impress guys. We do
> >all that extra shit to make us happy. We could have a rag on our
> >head, no teeth, and one leg, but if our ass or titties are big, we
> >could still bag one of you fools. Why dress up unnecessarily?
> >
> >17. Oh yeah, those girls in the video? THEY DON'T WANT YOU.
> >You better pay attention to the girl sittin' next to your droolin' ass.
> >
> >18. If a girl claims that you're sexually harassing her, you're ugly.
> >Plain and simple. Sexual harassment is based solely on how
> >attractive or unattractive the so called "harasser" is. Like a girl
> >is gonna press charges because Allen Iverson told her she
> >had a nice ass.
> >
> >20. When you really have a chic's heart, and you really have her
> >open, she's sucking your dick. If she ain't doin' that, go
> >re-evaluate yourself playa. She ain't open.
> >
> >21. If a girl is sucking your dick and you're not even eating the
> >pussy, and she ain't complaining, don't brag to your boys and
> >laugh cause you think you're the man. Another nigga is handlin'
> >what you're scared to do. Ha!Ha!
> >
> >22. Just cause a girl introduces you to her parents, doesn't mean
> >she's serious about you. It's just that her parents keep sweatin' her
> >because they want to see the face of the person giving booty calls
> >waking up the entire house at 3am in the fuckin' morning every night.
> >
> >23. Just because you spent a couple of nights at your girl's
> >apartment, doesn't mean you live with her. Take yourdirty draws home
> >and wash them yourself. And stop tryin' to leave signs of your
> >presence. Other niggas drop by too.
> >
> >24. When you interrupt our making out to get up for a sudden
> >bathroom run, we know you're jerking off to get rid of that inital nut.
>If
> >she doesn't know, it's because she hasn't caught a nigga yet.
> >
> >25. Do you really think we don't know when you're on the phone with
> >some chic? Nuff' said.
> >
> >26. If your girl is always asking about how one of your friends is doing,
> >she's doing one of four things: dreaming about being with him, wishing
> >she met him before she met you, considering sleeping with him after
> >the two of you break up, or sleeping with him already.
> >
> >27. Just because you honk your horn at a girl and she turns to look
> >at you, it doesn't mean that she's diggin' you.It's because she's in the
> >street and you honked your horn. Basic reflex is to turn and look. Drive
> >on genius.
> >
> >28. When you don't call your girl, compliment your girl, take your
> >girl out, romance your girl, adorn your girl with flowers and gifts, but
> >you're still able to call her "your girl"...it's because someone else is
> >calling your girl, complimenting your girl, taking your girl out,
>romancing
> >your girl, adorning your girl with flowers and gifts, and has people
> >thinking that's "his" girl, fool.
> >
> >29. Once you forget her birthday, she may forgive you, but she will
> >never forget it. It WILL come back to haunt you one day.
> >
> >30. Motels are not romantic. The idea of lavish surroundings to a
> >girl consist of more than just whether or not a bed is available.
> >
> >31. You'll NEVER be able to understand, figure out, outsmart, out
> >think, pull as many girls as she does guys, out talk, out argue, or out
> >love a girl. It just isn't possible.
Happy April Fools Day!! <3