(no subject)
Alabama sickness.
Im tired of this place, of Alabama, and all its pain. This is a dying state, provincial and cruel. Always annoyed and tired too fast. I need to be somewhere else. Somewhere safer. Not safer, bigger. I dont want people to recognize me anymore. When people recognize me, it hurts even worse. By that I mean that here, in this old-fashioned trend following state, I am pained by those that dont remember me. When I cry to you, I trust you, but you never trusted me. When I finally trust you, youll run away. Therefore I will no longer trust you Alabama. Im tired of being hurt, but more tired of hurting people. Im sick of being sick, and infecting other people. No one should have to live like me.
You dont like me? You made me. Who I am is who youve forced me to be. If you wish to forget me, go ahead, but let me know so that I can try and forget you too. It probably wont happen, I may never forget you, but you can forget me if you want. How clich am I? I dance in the rain, and dream of love. Not your love but the real kind, where I can trust you and you wont run away, I wont be able to hurt you, and you wont hurt me.
Am I that fragile? Do I have to hurt? Does it make me human? If so I would like very much not to be human right now. No more pain for a fragile little girl. I cant handle it. I thought it was going to be ok. It will never be ok. Not until God comes for me anyway, but I cant rush that. I wont. I will, however, do whatever I can to help you. Let me know how you want me to forget you, or think less of you.
But Im sorry. I cant. Once you are in my heart, you stay there. Once youve made an impact I keep it. I will write you a story, but you probably wont get it, or youll just throw it away when you forget me. I forgive you. Its whatever you want.
Im sorry I need to stop being emo.
Im just tired of hurting you. Of hurting for you. Im tired of killing you. Tired of killing myself. Im tired and sick and plain. I guess Im not who you thought I was. Maybe I am. I hope youre who I thought you were. If you arent would you please let me know?
No, this isnt about Travis. He and I are just friends, and Im happy there. He is happy where he is, and I am happy for him. Good luck with everything Trav, God Bless.
This may be about you, then again, it may not.
I dont want your help and your fake words. Your one paragraph self-help novels are so generic. Give it up. I dont need that crap. I need real help. I need something real. No more words or fake smiles. No more fake pity as you laugh to yourself about it. Forget it. Forget me. Never think of me again as long as you live.
Or do, its your choice. I just want to be happy. To be on the ocean again. To be balanced like a great ship in the sea, or a plane in the wind. Stop killing me. Stop sinking me, stop shooting me out of the sky.
Tell me if you love me or not.
Im not talking about romantic love, Im talking about ANY kind of love. I love you, someway. If you are in my life, I love you and forgive you, no matter what.
Maybe I just need someone to talk to Maybe I just need someone to hold me like he did. I didnt feel lustful or needy in his arms, I felt safe and comfortable, I felt wanted. I need that I guess.
Can you help me find it?
No. No generic Im here if you need me, or any other kind of blah blah blah you send to people when theyre upset. I dont want it. I want something real. No fake crap. If you give me that, Ill delete your comment and maybe even your myspace. If thats what you want. Tell me more bluntly please.
Goodbye.
Goodnight.
Good luck.
God Bless.
With Love and Compassion,
Samantha
Im tired of this place, of Alabama, and all its pain. This is a dying state, provincial and cruel. Always annoyed and tired too fast. I need to be somewhere else. Somewhere safer. Not safer, bigger. I dont want people to recognize me anymore. When people recognize me, it hurts even worse. By that I mean that here, in this old-fashioned trend following state, I am pained by those that dont remember me. When I cry to you, I trust you, but you never trusted me. When I finally trust you, youll run away. Therefore I will no longer trust you Alabama. Im tired of being hurt, but more tired of hurting people. Im sick of being sick, and infecting other people. No one should have to live like me.
You dont like me? You made me. Who I am is who youve forced me to be. If you wish to forget me, go ahead, but let me know so that I can try and forget you too. It probably wont happen, I may never forget you, but you can forget me if you want. How clich am I? I dance in the rain, and dream of love. Not your love but the real kind, where I can trust you and you wont run away, I wont be able to hurt you, and you wont hurt me.
Am I that fragile? Do I have to hurt? Does it make me human? If so I would like very much not to be human right now. No more pain for a fragile little girl. I cant handle it. I thought it was going to be ok. It will never be ok. Not until God comes for me anyway, but I cant rush that. I wont. I will, however, do whatever I can to help you. Let me know how you want me to forget you, or think less of you.
But Im sorry. I cant. Once you are in my heart, you stay there. Once youve made an impact I keep it. I will write you a story, but you probably wont get it, or youll just throw it away when you forget me. I forgive you. Its whatever you want.
Im sorry I need to stop being emo.
Im just tired of hurting you. Of hurting for you. Im tired of killing you. Tired of killing myself. Im tired and sick and plain. I guess Im not who you thought I was. Maybe I am. I hope youre who I thought you were. If you arent would you please let me know?
No, this isnt about Travis. He and I are just friends, and Im happy there. He is happy where he is, and I am happy for him. Good luck with everything Trav, God Bless.
This may be about you, then again, it may not.
I dont want your help and your fake words. Your one paragraph self-help novels are so generic. Give it up. I dont need that crap. I need real help. I need something real. No more words or fake smiles. No more fake pity as you laugh to yourself about it. Forget it. Forget me. Never think of me again as long as you live.
Or do, its your choice. I just want to be happy. To be on the ocean again. To be balanced like a great ship in the sea, or a plane in the wind. Stop killing me. Stop sinking me, stop shooting me out of the sky.
Tell me if you love me or not.
Im not talking about romantic love, Im talking about ANY kind of love. I love you, someway. If you are in my life, I love you and forgive you, no matter what.
Maybe I just need someone to talk to Maybe I just need someone to hold me like he did. I didnt feel lustful or needy in his arms, I felt safe and comfortable, I felt wanted. I need that I guess.
Can you help me find it?
No. No generic Im here if you need me, or any other kind of blah blah blah you send to people when theyre upset. I dont want it. I want something real. No fake crap. If you give me that, Ill delete your comment and maybe even your myspace. If thats what you want. Tell me more bluntly please.
Goodbye.
Goodnight.
Good luck.
God Bless.
With Love and Compassion,
Samantha