so
I've decided I need to start taking some of my own advice. Things have been chaotic lately. Sometimes I feel a little lost. But when it all comes down to it...I feel better than I have in a long time. It's nice. I just sort of feel ok being me...doing nothing. I'm not seeking any fulfillment externally. I don't know. I just feel sort of like...I'm finally able to process and really come to some conclusions about a lot of things that have been on my mind for a long time.
I haven't quite made the progress I had hoped...well, in quite the same ways or on quite the same (arbitrary)time scale. But...I feel more accomplished personally than I have in a while. I haven't done much...but things are headed in a good direction.
I still feel bad about neglecting certain relationships. But...I've made sure to keep investing in the ones that, well, I can't in any good conscience neglect in any way. That is to say I've gotten closer with my Dad, my Mom, my Grandma....Cory. Cory is a bit of an issue these days.
I'm his older brother. I wish there were more I could do for him. I guess he has to figure this out on his own. He did always seem to need to learn things the hard way.
I'm anxious...and excited about some new situations in my life. I'm not sure what's going to happen next month. Or next week for that matter. And after that? I haven't been in this situation for quite a few years now. It's exciting. It's challenging. I'm starting to realize that I'm going to have to confront the fact that i'm the only one in my way.
I've known for sometime that...somehow I'm holding myself back from something. I still don't know what. But...I'm running out of excuses. Things...people, situations to blame.
fuck.
oh well. I'm happy here in my new home. I was so worried about losing my sense of home in my apartment. Despite the mess...I'm more comfortable here, calling this place home than I have been in...longer than I have clear memory. I enjoy being here. I've been cooking...cleaning up around the house. I'm getting my cameras out. I sleep the whole night through. My back doesn't hurt anymore.
Things are good.
I am still struggling to make time for the things that matter. Myself, for one. I need to establish some personal space and some alone time to work on personal projects or...just to be alone. read? something. I've put so much focus in my social life. I neglected it for so long...and finding balance there, the personal/social is an immediate goal.
I need to spend more time...doing self enriching activities of all sorts. I need to get in touch with a few more old friends. So far, that process has been working out well.
I guess...I'm ready for the next thing.
I haven't quite made the progress I had hoped...well, in quite the same ways or on quite the same (arbitrary)time scale. But...I feel more accomplished personally than I have in a while. I haven't done much...but things are headed in a good direction.
I still feel bad about neglecting certain relationships. But...I've made sure to keep investing in the ones that, well, I can't in any good conscience neglect in any way. That is to say I've gotten closer with my Dad, my Mom, my Grandma....Cory. Cory is a bit of an issue these days.
I'm his older brother. I wish there were more I could do for him. I guess he has to figure this out on his own. He did always seem to need to learn things the hard way.
I'm anxious...and excited about some new situations in my life. I'm not sure what's going to happen next month. Or next week for that matter. And after that? I haven't been in this situation for quite a few years now. It's exciting. It's challenging. I'm starting to realize that I'm going to have to confront the fact that i'm the only one in my way.
I've known for sometime that...somehow I'm holding myself back from something. I still don't know what. But...I'm running out of excuses. Things...people, situations to blame.
fuck.
oh well. I'm happy here in my new home. I was so worried about losing my sense of home in my apartment. Despite the mess...I'm more comfortable here, calling this place home than I have been in...longer than I have clear memory. I enjoy being here. I've been cooking...cleaning up around the house. I'm getting my cameras out. I sleep the whole night through. My back doesn't hurt anymore.
Things are good.
I am still struggling to make time for the things that matter. Myself, for one. I need to establish some personal space and some alone time to work on personal projects or...just to be alone. read? something. I've put so much focus in my social life. I neglected it for so long...and finding balance there, the personal/social is an immediate goal.
I need to spend more time...doing self enriching activities of all sorts. I need to get in touch with a few more old friends. So far, that process has been working out well.
I guess...I'm ready for the next thing.