summer is coming and it smells like licorice
So this is finals week of spring term '08. I was finishing high school four years ago. It doesn't hardly seem so long ago but I can't believe I'm not done at LCC.
What have I been doing? Just doing the daily rounds mostly. I think I've improved myself as a person. At least, that's what I tell myself and hold on to so I don't feel like such a failure.
I'm not really a worrier. I don't feel like a worrier. Maybe I am though,or just afraid.
This morning found me in an odd mood. Insecure and melancholy. Not that odd really. I guess it's just been a while.
I took the bus to school. It was really quite nice. We live such disconnected lives but on this bus there was a community. Friends. People riding the bus together. A very hodge podge group representing all the forgotten elements of our society. Old people, poor, mentally challenged, kids, travelers, and wanderers. Forgotten elsewhere, not here. Very nice. humanizing.
I was worrying about being inadequate. about being insecure. I'm no longer responsible just for me. Love has a way of making you face the facts of yourself. It's a killer. But i'm solid in my resolve to align my perspective in a positive way. To be grateful, thankful and not arrogant or jealous. To keep my chin up and learn what I may from each moment so that I may be better prepared for the next.
I don't know how long I'll be able to keep going to work full time at McFarland. I need to be careful and save as much as I can because I may not be able to do this for very long. Now that spring term is over it's this for the whole summer until I either quit or start school in the spring.
Maybe I will hitch. Maybe I will finally get to really know my home. What is this America that everyone is always talking about? Who are these people we call American?
The bus ride, some time with Amber, and a sandwich really improved my outlook on the day. It's the little things that put life in perspective.
I've finally got the Rabbit back. I picked it up friday - cleaner than I was expecting and it's running great. I know I need to ween myself off of the vehicle life style but I am really happy about having my little car back. With fuel anywhere between four and five dollars though...I may not be able to afford my happy little Rabbit for very long.
Saturday was Nick's bachelor party. It turned out to be pretty mellow and not too redneck. It was a lot of fun. I'm glad I got to hang out and party with some of the guys from work. Being in the woods was really refreshing. I feel so much better when I get to go out to the woods or the river. The spot Nick had is really beautiful and great for camping. It took Ray and I forever to find it - Nick's maps seem like a good idea until you're trying to use it.
I ate about a gram of mushrooms on Monday night. I was expecting mild results but I hadn't eaten dinner and these turned out to be kind of strong. It was a fun and kind of strange experience. I felt great but had to wonder from time to time if i might be going crazy. I did a lot of reflecting about perception and perspective and how people interact. We're all fragile and sensitive. The things we say and do to each other do matter. I thought about growing up. I thought about last summer.
I wonder where I'll be in another four years?
What have I been doing? Just doing the daily rounds mostly. I think I've improved myself as a person. At least, that's what I tell myself and hold on to so I don't feel like such a failure.
I'm not really a worrier. I don't feel like a worrier. Maybe I am though,or just afraid.
This morning found me in an odd mood. Insecure and melancholy. Not that odd really. I guess it's just been a while.
I took the bus to school. It was really quite nice. We live such disconnected lives but on this bus there was a community. Friends. People riding the bus together. A very hodge podge group representing all the forgotten elements of our society. Old people, poor, mentally challenged, kids, travelers, and wanderers. Forgotten elsewhere, not here. Very nice. humanizing.
I was worrying about being inadequate. about being insecure. I'm no longer responsible just for me. Love has a way of making you face the facts of yourself. It's a killer. But i'm solid in my resolve to align my perspective in a positive way. To be grateful, thankful and not arrogant or jealous. To keep my chin up and learn what I may from each moment so that I may be better prepared for the next.
I don't know how long I'll be able to keep going to work full time at McFarland. I need to be careful and save as much as I can because I may not be able to do this for very long. Now that spring term is over it's this for the whole summer until I either quit or start school in the spring.
Maybe I will hitch. Maybe I will finally get to really know my home. What is this America that everyone is always talking about? Who are these people we call American?
The bus ride, some time with Amber, and a sandwich really improved my outlook on the day. It's the little things that put life in perspective.
I've finally got the Rabbit back. I picked it up friday - cleaner than I was expecting and it's running great. I know I need to ween myself off of the vehicle life style but I am really happy about having my little car back. With fuel anywhere between four and five dollars though...I may not be able to afford my happy little Rabbit for very long.
Saturday was Nick's bachelor party. It turned out to be pretty mellow and not too redneck. It was a lot of fun. I'm glad I got to hang out and party with some of the guys from work. Being in the woods was really refreshing. I feel so much better when I get to go out to the woods or the river. The spot Nick had is really beautiful and great for camping. It took Ray and I forever to find it - Nick's maps seem like a good idea until you're trying to use it.
I ate about a gram of mushrooms on Monday night. I was expecting mild results but I hadn't eaten dinner and these turned out to be kind of strong. It was a fun and kind of strange experience. I felt great but had to wonder from time to time if i might be going crazy. I did a lot of reflecting about perception and perspective and how people interact. We're all fragile and sensitive. The things we say and do to each other do matter. I thought about growing up. I thought about last summer.
I wonder where I'll be in another four years?