Saturday 29th January - 3:07pm
I've change my naming policy for my old journal entries which I will edit into all the others. Instead of having a letter I've used fake names in their place. If you know me then it's still possible to determine who each individual is. Otherwise you can wait and eventually I'll post my naming code so you can look back and go 'Ahh, so it was them he wanted to fuck!'
The first mid-afternoon entry:
This (am writing on a scrap piece of paper) is going to have to do for my diary because I'm currently on REMAR camp and stupidly decided not to bring my journal. Oh well.
Discovering my weaknesses is not easy because I don't like admitting I'm not perfect.
Camp is good so far, just relaxing and having the normal sessions, although I never how much I enjoy them.
James continually plays on my mind. I'd just like to know how and what he thinks.
Jeffery is just as confusing. He tells me about him and Peter but doesn't show any other signs of friendship besides the occasional 'hello'.
I think I'm disappointed I didn't get to know Uncle Kev better. I guess I just assumed he'd always be there...
Surprisingly I'm able to write fast enough for my thoughts today. Maybe I've had a chance to calm down a bit and not let my thoughts run rampant.
Why do people pick on others that are their friends just to get a laugh?
Do I? How can I stop? I feel terrible when I do it to Garth and Mike. I wish I knew what peoples real thoughts about me were. It would make life so much simpler.
I wonder how Unlce Gerald is?
I guess life isn't meant to be simple, otherwise it would be too easy and there is no fun in that! Still, many people would probably choose easy over fun, everyone is different.
I wish I still had another months holiday.
Peter is a peculiar person, along with Kurt. Although Kurt is more a complexly simple person, whatever that is...?
I'm lucky to have met Garth. I don't know where I'd be otherwise. Probably really lost.
As lame as it sounds he provides an outlet for crap that I couldn't tell anyone else.
Poor Ray, I don't think he had a prob with saying something about me, but for him to say something bad about anyone would tear him apart. - The exercise involved us making positive and negative comments about our peers.
Despite his label of Mr Negative he is one of the most caring and fun-loving people I know.
It will be interesting to see how people go tonight with their strengths and weaknesses and facing them themselves. I guess we'll wait and see.
Neon Genesis is one of the least understandable shows ever. Mystery after mystery comes up and only one in a million gets solved. It's disappointing. But it means you stay enthralled. Maybe it lost something in the translation?
That's gonna have to do, I can return to it for a quick update soon.
Note: Update never happened. I will however list my strengths and weakness as per the exercise we did in the evening as I keep it in my journal.
Weaknesses:
- Hold myself above others
- Very selfish
- Often don't think about what I'm saying or doing
- Subconscious ego
- Adapt to the situation instead of being accept by the situation
- What to be liked, known, cared about
- Expect poeple to do what I think is right
- Pick out people's weaknesses to use against them if they become hostile
- Can be defensive of things, people, friends, ideas
- Cheeriness is a mask, doubt the faith in me
- Quick to judge other peoples actions
- Happy to suit my own purposes
- Question what appeals about me to those that call me a friend
Strengths:
- Loyalty
- Aware of situations
- Think things through, analyse
- Be there...
- Helpful -> Get people through things
- 'Get out there' attitude
- Will to be different
- Stand up for what I believe in
And that's it for another day. Life is a funny thing, I just hope I can laugh...