(no subject)
it's 6:42AM and i just woke up from sleeping since like 7PM last night...i havent slept right in the longest time, and even now i feel tired and exhausted. there has just been so many things running thru my mind lately that sleeping hasnt even crossed it. i wish i was back to being apathetic about things they way i used to be, but now it seems as though averything is getting to me...i knew it would happen this way too. i was so used to not feeling anything that now that i finally DO feel something, i lash out and get angry. maybe i'm angry at what i feel...or maybe i'm angry because i feel. i dont know. i just wish this would go away....i dont like being this angry person....it's not who i am, and it's not who i want to be. i want to be able to fall in love carelessly again, not being concerned about my heart being broken until it happens. i want to be able to leap before i look like i used to. i just want to be the carefree girl i am used to being....all of this thinking about things, and overanalyisis, has just gotten me worked up to a point where i seem to know whats going to happen before anybody else does. i waste my time thinking about things instead of feeling them. thats not how a normal person is supposed to work...especially one my age. maybe there's someone out there that can make me carefree again, not apathetic, but carefree meaning i'm going to feel something and not care about the reprocussions that may result in me feeling that way. even if they're just a friend....i just need someone to bring me back to my old self. because this new me is driving me crazy!