Empty Promises Left Forgotten
how many times have i ever felt apathetic about the male gender? i cant count many...usually i hate them with a passion, or i am so in love with them i can barely breathe....well my breath is cought in my throat once more...only because i haven't anyone to show me that i can truely care about them without getting my heart stepped on like i have before in past experiances. apathy is a many splendored thing i suppose, but how can a person go day by day not feeling a single emotion for anything? its almost as if i am just an empty jar an i'm walking around taking in things and holding them inside of me and not letting the emotions out...one of these days this jar is going to become too full and eventually burst open...thats the day i dread...the day i have a nervous breakdown and end up saying things i didnt mean to say....not neccessarily that i didnt mean them, but that they were never meant to be heard by anyone...thats how i lose myself, its not about losing the people from the things that i say, but its about losing that person inside of myself that i cant let anyone see. that inner beauty thats only meant to shine for a specific person, the side of me that no one deserves to see but them....feeling no feelings what-so-ever has me cought in this emotional trap that i cant seem to break free from...one of these days its all going to rain down on me and there will just be this flash of realization of what i SHOULD have been feeling when my heart was numb to everything and everyone...thats when i'll cry....thats when i'll laugh...thats when i'll be set free...thats when my life will be made perfect again