(no subject)
been a minute. finally finished a fuckin scene. not bad, not great, but done no less. and when i think about it, i'm really surprised how much i dont hate it. i thought i would, for sure.
the next project will be a monologue. but i'll need a little help from my friends. In my head it seems awesome, but i'll see how it turns out.
maybe 3 more scenes. 3-4 monologues, and i'll be done. that's ways away...either way, on the path i go.
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a 16-17 yr old kid knocked on my door tonight asking for money for college in which i end up with sunday newspapers. i wasnt interested, didnt appear interested in the least and turned him down.
i mean here's this kid, knockin on a door of this ghetto ass apt. asking a guy who's barely got more facial hair than he does, money for college. as if i got any.
after i shut the door i was upset that i had to turn him down yet glad i didnt get the paper.
i immediately thought "i shoulda said 'if its one thing young people think, and i'm guilty of it, is thinking the government does not affect their lives, but you would not be going door to door asking for money like a bum if there wasnt a war in iraq. you'd better vote when you turn 18 or your little brothers and sisters are gonna be doing the same thing you're doing with an incredible failure rate"
i know its not that simple, but it is sad, the kid is now going to get the impression that since no one will buy a paper from him, no one wants him to go to college. when really,i'd love for him to go to college, but we can't afford war AND this kid's education at the same time. but he won't know that. lil pre-gangbangin sonofabitch.
if its one thing i wish history teachers did for me when i was a kid, was made me realize how the world affects me. i wish i was told that if i dont start making decisions for myself, people will make them for me. luckily, in terms of my own life i've done well in that regard, but politically, i need incredible improvement.
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i started reading the alchemist again, under jeremy's influence. before i started up again i thought "look for all the little bits of information you may have overlooked last time" and sure enough, there were things i missed. mainly because i hadnt the experience i have now at first read. For example, the world's biggest lie is that you have no control over your life. lucky for me, at 19 i never believed in the lie in the first place. now, i realize, i've believed it some..and so now i look forward to taking on the read again.
------------------
my thoughts get rather circular so i dont know if ive already recorded something similar in other entries, but,
i can't help compare myself to my coworkers. especially since near all of them are aspiring somethings. although they're all servers and hosts. i bus tables along with the rest of the crew who aren't American citizens. I do host on tuesdays, and i pick up serving shifts at my leisure, which is nice, but ive always felt slightly embarrassed being the only American on the "support" staff. Though i know no one could detect it. i make sure of that. anyway, i'm always comparing myself to the other American coworkers. usually the comparisons come from the questions "why would they succeed and not me, and why would i succeed, and not them?" I'm told there isn't much room at the top.
what makes me better them? (oh andrew, why are u so competitive?)
i think egotisically, i aim to be the most enigmatic young actor you could meet.
an intellectual actor? a comical one? dramatic? young lead? supporting side kick? for the theater? or for the camera? well trained technique? or raw talent? academic, or one who simply does?
an NYU grad actress at work tried to pull some Good Will Hunting on me with knowledge of plays. Luckily, I was Will Hunting, and i don't think she liked dem apples. I must admit, its those ones that are so well trained in one way that i love to fuck with.
my dad was always a bruce lee fan. (this will all connect in a minute). i grew up loving him as well. funny that i took more of an interest him than my dad. after some reading, in high school, i learned what made bruce lee so controversial in the martial arts world was his form with no form. He said there were too many rules in martial arts. from what i gathered, bruce lee always knew the best way to defeat his opponents because he knew what their fighting style was (tae kwon doe, kung fu etc.) and so he knew what to expect, and not to expect. Only his opponents would have no idea what he would do. Bruce Lee might answer, "i would do whatever seemed to be the best thing to do at that given moment." i love that i learned that before i started seriously training in acting.
when i see two boxers in a ring, i don't wanna see two boxers boxing, i wanna see two people fighting. but they better know how to box.
i think when people watch actors, they wanna a piece of life, not actors acting. But, those fuckin actors better know how to act.
form with no form, is not without hardwork and discipline...
words, words, words. for all these words i will have something to show for it.
the next project will be a monologue. but i'll need a little help from my friends. In my head it seems awesome, but i'll see how it turns out.
maybe 3 more scenes. 3-4 monologues, and i'll be done. that's ways away...either way, on the path i go.
-------------------
a 16-17 yr old kid knocked on my door tonight asking for money for college in which i end up with sunday newspapers. i wasnt interested, didnt appear interested in the least and turned him down.
i mean here's this kid, knockin on a door of this ghetto ass apt. asking a guy who's barely got more facial hair than he does, money for college. as if i got any.
after i shut the door i was upset that i had to turn him down yet glad i didnt get the paper.
i immediately thought "i shoulda said 'if its one thing young people think, and i'm guilty of it, is thinking the government does not affect their lives, but you would not be going door to door asking for money like a bum if there wasnt a war in iraq. you'd better vote when you turn 18 or your little brothers and sisters are gonna be doing the same thing you're doing with an incredible failure rate"
i know its not that simple, but it is sad, the kid is now going to get the impression that since no one will buy a paper from him, no one wants him to go to college. when really,i'd love for him to go to college, but we can't afford war AND this kid's education at the same time. but he won't know that. lil pre-gangbangin sonofabitch.
if its one thing i wish history teachers did for me when i was a kid, was made me realize how the world affects me. i wish i was told that if i dont start making decisions for myself, people will make them for me. luckily, in terms of my own life i've done well in that regard, but politically, i need incredible improvement.
----------------------
i started reading the alchemist again, under jeremy's influence. before i started up again i thought "look for all the little bits of information you may have overlooked last time" and sure enough, there were things i missed. mainly because i hadnt the experience i have now at first read. For example, the world's biggest lie is that you have no control over your life. lucky for me, at 19 i never believed in the lie in the first place. now, i realize, i've believed it some..and so now i look forward to taking on the read again.
------------------
my thoughts get rather circular so i dont know if ive already recorded something similar in other entries, but,
i can't help compare myself to my coworkers. especially since near all of them are aspiring somethings. although they're all servers and hosts. i bus tables along with the rest of the crew who aren't American citizens. I do host on tuesdays, and i pick up serving shifts at my leisure, which is nice, but ive always felt slightly embarrassed being the only American on the "support" staff. Though i know no one could detect it. i make sure of that. anyway, i'm always comparing myself to the other American coworkers. usually the comparisons come from the questions "why would they succeed and not me, and why would i succeed, and not them?" I'm told there isn't much room at the top.
what makes me better them? (oh andrew, why are u so competitive?)
i think egotisically, i aim to be the most enigmatic young actor you could meet.
an intellectual actor? a comical one? dramatic? young lead? supporting side kick? for the theater? or for the camera? well trained technique? or raw talent? academic, or one who simply does?
an NYU grad actress at work tried to pull some Good Will Hunting on me with knowledge of plays. Luckily, I was Will Hunting, and i don't think she liked dem apples. I must admit, its those ones that are so well trained in one way that i love to fuck with.
my dad was always a bruce lee fan. (this will all connect in a minute). i grew up loving him as well. funny that i took more of an interest him than my dad. after some reading, in high school, i learned what made bruce lee so controversial in the martial arts world was his form with no form. He said there were too many rules in martial arts. from what i gathered, bruce lee always knew the best way to defeat his opponents because he knew what their fighting style was (tae kwon doe, kung fu etc.) and so he knew what to expect, and not to expect. Only his opponents would have no idea what he would do. Bruce Lee might answer, "i would do whatever seemed to be the best thing to do at that given moment." i love that i learned that before i started seriously training in acting.
when i see two boxers in a ring, i don't wanna see two boxers boxing, i wanna see two people fighting. but they better know how to box.
i think when people watch actors, they wanna a piece of life, not actors acting. But, those fuckin actors better know how to act.
form with no form, is not without hardwork and discipline...
words, words, words. for all these words i will have something to show for it.