emotional eating
last night i binged, with a level of insanity i haven't felt in a while. i was feeling confused and empty after a series of events led to josh and i spending more nights apart and me sleeping at home alone for the first friday night that he's been here since pretty much the start of our relationship. we're making so many efforts to still get the time together while giving me the stability of being home more often and getting more of my work done, but last night it just felt like we were fighting. no matter what we did, it just didn't seem like the night was going to end well and i know we both felt like we just didn't know what to do.
so i ate. probably about 4000 calories in the span of about 3 hours. i ate everything in sight, and then some, and for the first time i will publicly admit it. i woke up this morning for my running clinic in a cold sweat, wishing i could throw up. if i was not the instructor, i would still be in bed hating myself right now, but i had to push down a small packet of oatmeal and some fluids and try to get going. replacing my running tights this morning are long johns and giant sweatpants because my stomach is stuck out to twice it's size. i feel horrible.
i'm always too embarassed to tell anyone about these nights, even though they have been much fewer and farther between lately, but i think i need to be able to look back and read about this. i am so disappointed in myself. i undermined my own hard work and effort. i watched everything i ate all day and then blew it all in such a short period of time. i need to detach my emotions from my face stuffing. i feel sick, and heavy, and depressed. i need to stop doing this and focus on being good to myself.
there.
so i ate. probably about 4000 calories in the span of about 3 hours. i ate everything in sight, and then some, and for the first time i will publicly admit it. i woke up this morning for my running clinic in a cold sweat, wishing i could throw up. if i was not the instructor, i would still be in bed hating myself right now, but i had to push down a small packet of oatmeal and some fluids and try to get going. replacing my running tights this morning are long johns and giant sweatpants because my stomach is stuck out to twice it's size. i feel horrible.
i'm always too embarassed to tell anyone about these nights, even though they have been much fewer and farther between lately, but i think i need to be able to look back and read about this. i am so disappointed in myself. i undermined my own hard work and effort. i watched everything i ate all day and then blew it all in such a short period of time. i need to detach my emotions from my face stuffing. i feel sick, and heavy, and depressed. i need to stop doing this and focus on being good to myself.
there.