Shit Stick...

Sep 13, 2005 00:59

Now that ive started hangin out with ivan ive realized how much my life sucks. I see all the parties he goes to and me being never drunk or around anything like that, him and all his hott ass friend doing keg stands. ive never even seen a keg let alone stood on one. i see all the beautiful skinny girls getting these ungodly handsome guys. with them in their short skirts and cute tops. I see all the pics of them kissing their bfs and promising to love eachother forever, and me never having a real bf. you see pics of these people with just these gorgeous houses and money out the ass and me with a house smaller than their drive way. you see these hott girls with brothers that are just strong and hot or cousins and just pics of their family's and how beautiful and perfect they look on these expensive vacations and me not even seeing my parents for more than 5 hours a day and 3 years since weve been on a vacation. pics of girls with their best friends looking so beautiful like they just stepped out of a magazine and having so much fun, but me just having pics with my beautiful friends to where i just ruin the picture. its sad to say this but i really dont know why im so happy why i havent killed myself by now or why im not into a deeper depression. im ugly,poor,lonely,fat,and have a disfunctional family. what do i have to live for? why am i living? i cant even answer that anymore i know its because i have a "plan" for my life. but why would god want ot use me. i seriously have no life ive never been drunk never been to a party never had sex never done anything really bad. if i died would anyone really care? would anyone be really heartbroken. i dont even know why im going to this stupid party partys are for beautiful people that people would want to hook up with and thats not me and i unno i dont really wanna get trashed and i dont smoke and stuff im going to sit and watch everyone else. is it gonna make me feel better to just say ive done it? i dont know im so confused. give me more than one reason to live....and i promise ill stay.
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