The Middle of the Day on Saturday
It is so annoying when people change how they present themselves for different crowds of people.
I am guilty of this.
I don't know why it happens. And maybe it isn't such a bad thing? And maybe it goes unnoticed? In any case, I have become really self-conscious of coming across differently and I don't like it. Being true to yourself is so heavily emphasized these days, and of course, I am always myself....
Myself likes ambling city streets with cloves and semi-cynical jokes. It's nice to encounter such a flexible scenario, to stumble upon everything and be spontaneous; rowdy or relaxed. It even borders on meditative, especially lately, with grey rain and impossible stillness.
I contrastingly also like to go to school functions. I dance in public. I giggle. I go to the mall. Some days, I keep an agenda and I plan things. I consider every nitpickey detail and then I get to my destination in a car that blasts Beyonce and I like this situation. What I can't stand is the clashing of these two worlds and the uncomfortableness because they are unmeshable.
Sometimes, I am in the mood to be intellectual and exercise my knowledge of the big words on my dictionary desk calendar. I even like to talk about Wuthering Heights. Other times, I'd rather sit around, perfectly stoned and oblivious (preferably in a room with someone playing sleepy guitar). I like to speak in sentences that require no thought on diction whatsoever. And sometimes, I'd be content to go jump on a trampoline and laugh about dumb memories.
I don't have one friend or one group of friends that I can experience all of these things with. And that is odd. . . because, if I have something to do in mind, I have to hang out with the people that do that and not the other things. Its hard to have such a wide spread of personal interests and friends that have more specific ideas about how to spend their time. I wouldn't plan on going to a Velveteen concert with Jenny and Mar. I couldn't take Zeya and Tali to a school dance. And I certainly would not act the same way at these two places.
So I think that it is not the people that make my humor and my lingo change, but the experiences that occur with them. . . or at least, I hope that is the case. For the next few hours, it doesn't matter because I am at home doing laundry and homework.
I am guilty of this.
I don't know why it happens. And maybe it isn't such a bad thing? And maybe it goes unnoticed? In any case, I have become really self-conscious of coming across differently and I don't like it. Being true to yourself is so heavily emphasized these days, and of course, I am always myself....
Myself likes ambling city streets with cloves and semi-cynical jokes. It's nice to encounter such a flexible scenario, to stumble upon everything and be spontaneous; rowdy or relaxed. It even borders on meditative, especially lately, with grey rain and impossible stillness.
I contrastingly also like to go to school functions. I dance in public. I giggle. I go to the mall. Some days, I keep an agenda and I plan things. I consider every nitpickey detail and then I get to my destination in a car that blasts Beyonce and I like this situation. What I can't stand is the clashing of these two worlds and the uncomfortableness because they are unmeshable.
Sometimes, I am in the mood to be intellectual and exercise my knowledge of the big words on my dictionary desk calendar. I even like to talk about Wuthering Heights. Other times, I'd rather sit around, perfectly stoned and oblivious (preferably in a room with someone playing sleepy guitar). I like to speak in sentences that require no thought on diction whatsoever. And sometimes, I'd be content to go jump on a trampoline and laugh about dumb memories.
I don't have one friend or one group of friends that I can experience all of these things with. And that is odd. . . because, if I have something to do in mind, I have to hang out with the people that do that and not the other things. Its hard to have such a wide spread of personal interests and friends that have more specific ideas about how to spend their time. I wouldn't plan on going to a Velveteen concert with Jenny and Mar. I couldn't take Zeya and Tali to a school dance. And I certainly would not act the same way at these two places.
So I think that it is not the people that make my humor and my lingo change, but the experiences that occur with them. . . or at least, I hope that is the case. For the next few hours, it doesn't matter because I am at home doing laundry and homework.