Jul 06, 2005 06:39
right now i don't really feel like writing down what i did for the past week, even though i had alot of fun. and i don't feel like writing about all the happy things that happend, even though every night i feel so much pain and can't sleep. what really just bothers me is what happend to me,everyone else, and the people i used to believe in. nothing makes much sense to me anymore, and i know nothing last forever, it just sucks when the people you actually believed in let you down. it's got to be the worst feeling in the world.now i really don't care if i repeat myself or say the same things day in and day out, because shit gets hurtful and sometimes you need to let it all out, even if it means pouring your heart out in your own fucking journal because people just don't understand. well whatever it takes, i have no choice but to pick up and move on with my life no matter how much it hurts. it's not gonna happen today, tomorrow, or not even a week from now, but it will happen. i know everywhere i go i act like nothing bothers me and that im perfectly fine without someone in my life who happens to be my 'soulmate' or someone who just loves me for who i am. it doesn't bother me that i haven't found them yet, what kills is that i've made so many mistakes and believed in the wrong people. i wish nothing changed and i wish people could just mean every word they said whether they said it too soon or during the most awkward moment. it doesn't matter. when you care about someone it just doesn't matter how long you've known them or how many times you said i love you, if the feelings there its just there. and seeing who you thought loved you after the longest time just hurts even more. someday i'll find out what i need to know, but i guess as for now all i have left to do is sit and wonder on how i went wrong and why things turned out the way it did. whats the point of getting your heartbroken, to learn? well i've learned one too many times and i think it's enough.. why go through it again and again, it just makes the world seem cruel and untrustful. not only me, but i know alot of people who have been going through shit themselves, and yes the opposite sex does suck, nothing works out anymore but there isnt shit we can do about it either, it just sucks. on the good side im not as broken up and falling apart over this kinda shit like i used to be and in fact i might just be doing okay =] this was just a moment where i decided to get into the things that were bothering me, i'll snap back out of it tho. and i'll update about the whole week another time =P so don't mind this entry but sometimes you just gotta get some stuff off your chest. but im gonna go i don't wanna be sleeping until 1:30pm again =] byee.
xO0O0O0x amanda*