If Only...
If only we could just spend one day together
Just you, me, and no one else.
Then maybe you'll finally see what you have missed
I could tell you everything
You could tell me everything
No need to apologize for the past
because it's just that, the past.
You can't go back and change it
So why bother trying?
If only we could start out new
as if the past seventeen years didn't go by empty
We could create new memories to treasure
Have a life without regrets
rather than being disappointed in ourselves.
If only the past could be relived differently
so that things wouldn't be like they are.
Too bad messing with time is a bad idea
because time is a powerful thing...
--------------------
We got out of the car and started walking towards the pier. Birds chirping, wind slightly blowing, and not a grey cloud in the sky. It was nice. Few people were here at this time because it was still early in the morning for we wanted to start the day before the crowd. Walking towards a vending area he goes, "Do you want some ice cream?"
"Mhm." I nod my head. It's not every day that I have ice cream during the same hours that most are having their toast and orange juice. He bought me a vanilla ice cream cone and we continued our walk.
A few moments of silence went by and I was pretty sure his mind was racing as much as mine was. What to say? Where should I begin? How do I even begin to explain seventeen years of a life?
"So...How's school?" The silence broke. It wasn't the most original way to start a conversation, but it was better than nothing I thought was.
"Uh, it's all right I guess." I told him in hopes he'll ask more.
"Just all right? Isn't your senior year supposed to be fun?"
"Eh, it's fun to an extent. It's stressful being president of a choir filled with freshman and having to deal with college applications...It's not the most ideal way to spend my time, you know?"
"Yea...that makes sense...."
It was quiet for a while. I couldn't help but notice all the strange people starting to show up in the area; after all, it was the beach. It fascinated me. People on rollerblades, bikes, swimming clothing, to t-shirts. Not one person dressed like another.
"So what do you want to do? This day is for you, honey, I want you to have fun..." He started again. I guess he couldn't handle the reoccurring awkward silence. I nod in agreement.
"Can we build a sand castle?"
"A sand castle? Don't kids do that? You're what? Sixteen?"
I paused for a second. "You mean seventeen. Seventeen years ago, you were happy as can be at the day of my birth and you can't even remember that now...And yes. A sand castle. Just because I'm seventeen, or sixteen according to your failed counting skills, doesn't mean I'm still seven at heart. Let's build a sand castle."
"Oh okay, forgive your old man's math skills. I was never too good at it even at your age..."
"I know. Mom told me I got my poor math skills from you when I was doing badly at simple math in elementary school. You missed that."
"Oh...Sorry...Okay, honey, let's build a sand castle." He didn't sound too excited. Which was disappointing to me. I would think that someone who is half the reason of why I even exist would enjoy a simple childhood pleasure of building a sand castle at any age. "Do you want to go buy buckets?"
"What? No. What's the challenge in that? Anyone can make a castle with buckets, but how many can make a castle without?"
"Okay, you want a challenge? Let's go build a castle WITHOUT a bucket."
"There you go. That's the right thinking." We started walking towards the water so we could get the right sand to build with. He kept questioning on how we could do things to make the castle. I reassured him that we would figure out a way. We built in more silence for a while and eventually the castle started to form.
"Hey! This is actually looking pretty good!" He commented.
"Yup. See, I told you it was possible. You just have to see the dream, believe it, and just do. A phrase I live by...It doesn't always work because I'm simply human. But it's good to keep in mind sometimes."
"That's pretty insightful...Seventeen years and I feel like I never really knew you..."
"You don't." I mumbled under my breath.
"Hm? What'd you say?"
"Nothing. It's just that those seventeen years could have been used to get to know me and know my strange quirks...and it seems you haven't really tried to even figure me out..."
"It's not that I don't want to though...I really want to know you, honey...But you know how busy I am."
"Too busy for your first daughter? Too busy to even try to make time to even see who I am and who I am becoming?"
"Well..."
"That's the one thing I've wondered all my life. You say you love me...but I cannot seem to grasp the logic in saying you love me and not try to even see me and get to know me. Because not even making it look like you are trying makes it seem like you really don't love me as much as you say you do. I read a quote the other day...'Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.' I believe it was Mark Twain. Your words say you love me...But your actions read that you don't much louder than the words you say to me..."
"I'm sorry, honey. I'm trying now aren't I? You, me, the beach, what more do you want?"
"One day can't change the past. You said it yourself that you hardly even know who I am."
"Then what do you want me to do?"
"Nothing...There's nothing you can do. The past is the past and you can't change that unless we had a flying Delorian and flux capacitor and do we have one of those? Nope...There! I think the castle is just about done." We were building as we were talking and the castle shaped pretty well. All it needed was a flag to go on top. He watched me as I looked around for a stick and a piece of seaweed to tie to it. Once found, I tied the makeshift flag together and placed it on top of the castle. "There. Done."
"I like it." He complimented our work. I took out my camera and started taking some photos of it. "Whoa, that's a pretty camera you've got there."
"Heh, thanks. A photographer's always got to be equipped." I told him.
"Photographer? You call yourself a photographer now?"
"Yes. And many other things too. Get in the photo! The king of the castle needs a photo of him and his kingdom!"
"Huh? Okay..." We take a few awkward photos of him and the castle and sit back to relax and see the photos.
"You've become quite the photographer. And such a beautiful, young, and insightful woman...what else do I not know about you?"
"Everything."
"That doesn't help me much. If I want to know about you, being vague isn't going to help."
"No duh." I laughed. "Lesson number one. I can and will be sarcastic at any given time without warning." He seemed quite amused. We lied down next to the castle for a while talking about my random quirks that have been developed of the years. It was nice and peaceful with the ocean in the background. After a while I dosed off...
"NEXT TIME YOU POINT A FINGER I MIGHT HAVE TO BEND IT BACK AND BREAK IT BREAK IT OFF..." 'Hm?" I thought. "Oh alarm? What? Room? Oh, I'm in my room...wasn't I just at the beach? Oh lame. Twas just a dream" I sighed, "Wishful thinking." Scenarios that plague me that I no will not happen. Why must I torture myself like this?