uugghh!!
i HATE this!
i should be able to be there... showing him im there for him.. but i CANT!!
i HATE not being able to do ANYTHING right now!
except for sit around... and be numb... and think of what i shouldnt have said to him.. or what i should have said more of..
or think about thursday when i saw him last and i just looked at him and smiled.
and think about him and aeriana and how close they are and how big of a part of her growing is because of him...
and think about the STUPID fights weve had that mean NOTHING now and shouldnt have happened.
and think about how we just have this connection... and no matter what the scenario is.. we are always gonna be there for each other.
and how if i could have done ANYTHING to prevent this from happening... i would have.
and then i think about how friggen excited he was for tour and for his cd release... and now he cant do any of it...
and then i think about how friggen lucky he is to even be alive and i thank God every minute that i think of that
and just that i want to be with him now. and not later.
and that recently i should have said "josh.. i love you"... a little bit more rather than.. "josh.. why are you such a fuckin jerk"... and everytime he said "danielle i love you" i should have just said i love you too instead of "no you dont" or "thats nice"
even tho i am thankful that just a couple of days ago... we stopped being so pissy with each other and wednesday and thursday i spent with him and we had fun times. with no arguing whatsoever.
and then i get soooo super worried. if i lost him i wouldnt know what to do.
i should listen to my intuition a bit more.. i had this vision a couple of weeks ago of me and his grandma crying because something happened to him... and just all the signs today and the bad feeling... i should have just listened.. but i think.. no.. its josh. nothing can touch him. but i guess i figured wrong.
but then its like jen said... there are soooo many of us praying for him right now and keeping him in our thoughts.. that God will hear.
i mean it was weird... i was thinkin of him and turned on the tv... and there was a dwight commercial on tv hahaha i mean what are the odds of that. i think that was a way of God saying.. its gonna be alright.
josh.. when you pull through this.. im takin you to go see dwight sometime haha ;)
oooh man i need to see him.
i should be able to be there... showing him im there for him.. but i CANT!!
i HATE not being able to do ANYTHING right now!
except for sit around... and be numb... and think of what i shouldnt have said to him.. or what i should have said more of..
or think about thursday when i saw him last and i just looked at him and smiled.
and think about him and aeriana and how close they are and how big of a part of her growing is because of him...
and think about the STUPID fights weve had that mean NOTHING now and shouldnt have happened.
and think about how we just have this connection... and no matter what the scenario is.. we are always gonna be there for each other.
and how if i could have done ANYTHING to prevent this from happening... i would have.
and then i think about how friggen excited he was for tour and for his cd release... and now he cant do any of it...
and then i think about how friggen lucky he is to even be alive and i thank God every minute that i think of that
and just that i want to be with him now. and not later.
and that recently i should have said "josh.. i love you"... a little bit more rather than.. "josh.. why are you such a fuckin jerk"... and everytime he said "danielle i love you" i should have just said i love you too instead of "no you dont" or "thats nice"
even tho i am thankful that just a couple of days ago... we stopped being so pissy with each other and wednesday and thursday i spent with him and we had fun times. with no arguing whatsoever.
and then i get soooo super worried. if i lost him i wouldnt know what to do.
i should listen to my intuition a bit more.. i had this vision a couple of weeks ago of me and his grandma crying because something happened to him... and just all the signs today and the bad feeling... i should have just listened.. but i think.. no.. its josh. nothing can touch him. but i guess i figured wrong.
but then its like jen said... there are soooo many of us praying for him right now and keeping him in our thoughts.. that God will hear.
i mean it was weird... i was thinkin of him and turned on the tv... and there was a dwight commercial on tv hahaha i mean what are the odds of that. i think that was a way of God saying.. its gonna be alright.
josh.. when you pull through this.. im takin you to go see dwight sometime haha ;)
oooh man i need to see him.