Struggling with being homesick at home.
In order to combat missing nyc, I've started to hang out with old high school friends. People who were actually in my class that I haven't hung out with in ages. Its keeping me occupied, but at the same time I'm longing for the pavement and high rise tunnels. I miss the train's banshee yell, the iron smell in the air after the rain. I miss making love to someone familiar. I miss my own place, I miss my tiny family unit.
Life is a fight. There's always something that I'm struggling with. The bane of humanity. My times of contentment have been left to inebriation and just forgetting. Forgetting that I'm human and just existing. Trying not to think too deeply on anything, the future, the present, the past. I'm trying to live entirely inside myself, just to keep from collapsing from stress.
I guess I gave up the not eating thing as soon as I got home, but I don't think I've gained that much back. I've been sticking to one or two small meals a day. But I have slacked off on my excercise. Luckily I finally got my membership to planet fitness. If my stupid hips feel alright I should be able to get in there tomorrow. I want to attack the eliptical. I miss that fucking machine so much. But I need to put a movie on my ipod first to occupy myself.
I really miss my friends from the city. I spent like every day hanging out with Joe and a bunch of people from my class. I feel really good about finally becoming close with my classmates. Its like the older I get the less socially akward I become. I'm evolving the ability to even talk pleasantly to strangers.
I have absolutely nothing of value to type. Its 5:30am. I slept until 4:30 pm yesterday... I should go to bed.
Gnight internet.
Life is a fight. There's always something that I'm struggling with. The bane of humanity. My times of contentment have been left to inebriation and just forgetting. Forgetting that I'm human and just existing. Trying not to think too deeply on anything, the future, the present, the past. I'm trying to live entirely inside myself, just to keep from collapsing from stress.
I guess I gave up the not eating thing as soon as I got home, but I don't think I've gained that much back. I've been sticking to one or two small meals a day. But I have slacked off on my excercise. Luckily I finally got my membership to planet fitness. If my stupid hips feel alright I should be able to get in there tomorrow. I want to attack the eliptical. I miss that fucking machine so much. But I need to put a movie on my ipod first to occupy myself.
I really miss my friends from the city. I spent like every day hanging out with Joe and a bunch of people from my class. I feel really good about finally becoming close with my classmates. Its like the older I get the less socially akward I become. I'm evolving the ability to even talk pleasantly to strangers.
I have absolutely nothing of value to type. Its 5:30am. I slept until 4:30 pm yesterday... I should go to bed.
Gnight internet.