(Untitled)

[_kent]

Alright, to start with, never buy an Orange mobile phone. (That's the company, though buying one coloured orange isn't likely to be a good idea either.) Having done so, ooh, 12 months ago, I am now getting a nuisance call about twice a day, trying to sell me another 12 months contract in the guise of a "free upgrade". They all do it, of course, but

Comments

[jacquilynne]

Ha. That's great.

The next person who calls and ask me if 'Mrs Shelfer er Schlefier er Shelser' is home is so getting the silent treatment.

[_kent]

I had a good one the other day. The cell bills aren't in my name. Hence this:

"Are you the bill payer?"
"No."
"Is it a business phone?"
"No."
"Who is the bill payer?"
"That's none of your business." (Note that these guys were claiming to be the company that sold us the phone.)
"I need to speak to the bill payer."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do!"
"No, you don't."
"I do!"
"I assure you, you don't."

I hung up at this point, which was a bit of a moral defeat, since my objective is to make them hang up in despair. But it's a way to go.

[dakeyras]

Alternatively:
"I need to speak to the bill payer."
"You can't."
"Why not?"
"They're dead and until the estate is settled I don't know who the bill payer is."

[_kent]

In some sense, I feel that it's also a moral defeat to lie to them. I shouldn't be compelled to lie in order to protect my privacy and time.

I think maybe we could go for a sort of "I don't want to talk about phones. Let's talk about something else" approach. Friendly, but surreal.

[ukcougar]

I've used this one. I used to get calls to my landline, which is still listed in my grandparents' name (despite repeated naggings to get BT to change it).

They ask for Mr Jones, I distraughtly explain that "I'm afraid Mr Jones has passed away..." ideally with my voice breaking slighly as I get to the end. They get off the line so fast, it must scorch their receiver.

[_kent]

Now, I like that. Mr Jones has passed away, and it is unfortunate. No lies at all, just assumptions at their end. Assumptions on their part (i.e. that they are welcome to call you and waste your time) are the problem, and hence they should be the solution.