Everybody has their burdens, what counts is how you carry them.
Well. Life has been....interesting. Lots of moments of getting really pissed and lots of moments of crying. And of course, the moments where I fuck something up. I always seem to be able to do that. Well it is about a month till I turn 17, isn't that fun? I mean...I guess I will be able to see "R" rated movies? I dunno, doesn't seem like much. But I hope my life doesn't fuck up really badly near my birthday. I mean, the last 2 years life has been crappy near my b-day. It really sux. I mean like 9th grade, a bunch of my friends were talking shit about me at my own fucking party. That was fucking bull shit. Then last year...I don't remember, something to do with me getting in fights with my friends. I think it was more Brittany shit. Brittany Hicks....and I think more Megan shit. But I am giving up on being friends with Megan. It is bull shit how she talks about me behind my back and shit. Like she was fucking telling Ronda, shelby's mom, that I was a slut and that I was sleeping around. I mean I have slept with a total of 2 guys. And I was in love with them both. (Still in love with Ricky. Now I just love Tony.) She thinks that I throw myself at guys or something like that. B.H. says that I go towards guys that give me attention because I didn't get enough attention from my dad as a child. I dunno, I'm not sure if that is right. I mean there were times that I got attention from my dad. But there was also a lot of times where I never saw him. I mean I really don't know. But B.H. is kinda right, I do really like attention from guys. I think that is sad, and bad. Crap....maybe I am a slut. Shit...maybe I should ask Brizz...hmm. Oh did I say that B.H. doesn't think I am a slut. I'm not sure, but I don't feel like reading back to check. But yeah...I don't think that Brizz thinks I am a slut...she might. I hope not....well let me find out. Umm, I think that I wrote too much in too little time. She hasn't said much back. Ok...next subject till she writes me back. Ok...I think she said no, she doesn't think I am a slut. That is a good thing. This is weird, I am like arguing with myself in this journal. I seem to do that. Ohh, Ricky is so cute. I love him! So on the 10th which was tuesday, it was our 2 month anniversary. And well he got me 12 red roses. They were fake, so they will never die. My mom sayd they look like Shrek roses. They are like made from fabric and I really like them. A lot of my friends were jealious. Or they said that they were. And all the teachers or adults were all, "awe! that is so sweet! He is a keeper!" It was funny. But it was weird holding the flowers all day. They got heavy. But my mom fell in love with the roses. My dad said that he is started to like Ricky. Which was cool cuz like they found out I had sex with him. And well they got kinda mad about that. Actually they got really mad. But they could really only ground me for "misusing" the truck. But then I was 2 and a half hours late for curfew so I got grounded for the next 2 weekends. So yeah, it really sux being at home. Kelsey is still like bothering me. She knows that she has fucked up her life, but she is not changing it. And Brett moved to 4th street, so he is even closer. So that makes it all worse. And Kelsey got her license. It all just sucks. OH Ricky finally got his permit. It that sad. A month after he gets his permit, I turn 17. Well a little less than a month. We figured out that Ricky is 17 months younger than me. But oh well, having a younger b/f isn't bad. I love him and that is all that matter. I am happy. But lets see, I really hate high school drama. I mean, it is all fucking bull shit. Sorry, I hate this. Dude, Adam is being such a fucking asswhole lately. I mean, I dunno. He is just being really bitchy. Like he always is, but it is worse this week. Maybe me and him are on the same cycle. Oh it was funny today. Ethan was at his locker and I walked up and went to mine and Ricky was behind me. And then Ethan looked up and went to grab me. But then he realized that I wasn't Brizz. Then he said that he almost grabbed me cuz he thought I was brizz. But then he realized that I wasn't. It was funny I laughed at him. I mean what happen if he had gone farther, I mean Ricky was standing right there, what would he have done. I dunno it would have been weird. Oh I was thinking about like 8th grade. When Sam, Brizz, and me all had the same lunch. And it was with Ethan, and we all seemed to have a crush on him. I never went out with him, But Sam and Brizz did. And now Brizz is with him again. It was just funny. Lets see, I am really happy to have started my period. It was late and I started to freak out. But it is all ok now. I have so much less stress now! But yeah....Chocolate is my best friend this week now. I say that with a bar of chocolate in front of me. Hmm, I can't think of what else to say. I guess I'm gonna go.