i kill only what i love, and what i love was never mine
Lately I've been trying to hang around people I normally haven't in the past. I need some new faces around me, especially positive ones as well.
I've spent most of my money on candles and incense lately, why? I really don't know, other than i think the look and smell wicked nice and they're some form of relaxation which I seem to be yearning for right now.
I feel like I need a break from any form of communication via the internet; aim, this, myspace... I dunno. The only reason i think I should do this is because I won't annoy Tom as much. I don't really have a clue why it's so hard for me to do. I feel like if we try to work things out (which i don't think we are) I'd be letting my guard down. I've dealt with this shit so many times it seems routine. It would be so easy to just give up and walk away but I can't because I don't hate him at all, I'm not even mad or anything. But I can't waste my time, energy, or feelings on something; it takes too much out of me. But I really thought things would be awesome between us and that I could demolish any trust barrier I had with anyone and start feeling alive again, like something was going right for me.
My minds a fucking blur right now and I just want to stand on some solid ground. Sometimes like now, I feel really calm, but then I start feeling like I'm just about to explode.
All I know is, I don't know what I'd do without Katryn.
It's so hard for me to hang out with people due to differing schedules. I feel like I haven't seen Chris D or Danial in forever and it rattles my mind. I hate winter so much. Every year seems to get worse and worse. Rather than dwelling on it, I'm gonna make the most of it.
Obviously my minds all over the place. I can't seem to focus on one thing anymore. I should start focusing on what I need rather than what I want.
I've spent most of my money on candles and incense lately, why? I really don't know, other than i think the look and smell wicked nice and they're some form of relaxation which I seem to be yearning for right now.
I feel like I need a break from any form of communication via the internet; aim, this, myspace... I dunno. The only reason i think I should do this is because I won't annoy Tom as much. I don't really have a clue why it's so hard for me to do. I feel like if we try to work things out (which i don't think we are) I'd be letting my guard down. I've dealt with this shit so many times it seems routine. It would be so easy to just give up and walk away but I can't because I don't hate him at all, I'm not even mad or anything. But I can't waste my time, energy, or feelings on something; it takes too much out of me. But I really thought things would be awesome between us and that I could demolish any trust barrier I had with anyone and start feeling alive again, like something was going right for me.
My minds a fucking blur right now and I just want to stand on some solid ground. Sometimes like now, I feel really calm, but then I start feeling like I'm just about to explode.
All I know is, I don't know what I'd do without Katryn.
It's so hard for me to hang out with people due to differing schedules. I feel like I haven't seen Chris D or Danial in forever and it rattles my mind. I hate winter so much. Every year seems to get worse and worse. Rather than dwelling on it, I'm gonna make the most of it.
Obviously my minds all over the place. I can't seem to focus on one thing anymore. I should start focusing on what I need rather than what I want.