(no subject)
I've come to the conclusion that I just can't learn how to be happy. It's so freakin gay too. I hate it. I hate the way I am. Seriously, it SUCKS. I miss my best friend, and the way we use to be. I wish it was like...this time last year. I'd seriously take so many things that have happened back. <3 I wish I could GIVE UP. Just...forget about all of the stupid bullshit that I somehow find a way to put myself through. But... I guess when you've put all you have into something, its too hard just to let it all go, and give it all up. I'm bi-polar or something. One minute I'm so happy...the next, I'm dying. Like today at lunch. Yeah, you all know whats up. Tera deffinitely knows. All I have to say is that I totally changed who I was...for someone else. And that's not right. It's fucked up. And I just screwed myself over, once again. I just love getting screwed over. I thought everything I did was the right thing to do, and now, if I sit back and think about it. It was the worst possible idea I could ever have. And you guys might not have a clue what I'm talking about, but still. The worst part out of all of this...is that I know I won't change it. I won't give up. I wont let things go. It's like I can't. I've tried, and when I come so close to doing that...it all comes back to me...all the bullshit, all the drama, all the pain I put myself through. It's my fault, and I let it all happen... not once...not twice...not three times...but FOUR times. And I'd let it all happen again...just because I think everything would work itself out. Yeah right. It's never going to work. ever.