Happy.
I had really forgotten what truly being happy is, not just happiness but like the true over the stars happy and it was unexpected.
When I saw you it was awkward and unadmittedly upsetting, because you’re a reminder of everything that has gone wrong in my life.
But I forgave you. I forgave the hurt. The abandonment.
But when you were over later today it was nice and completely doomed and unattainable, but perfect at the same time. I want everything you want I really do, I'm just not at that point in my life and you are, and I want so badly to be there. But I'm not. For once i'm not going take what I want and forget what’s best for you.
It would have been easy to fall back into you. I fell in love again, you did that. You were talking and I looked at you like I've never looked at you before and you were just saying the things I wanted to hear. I just kept thinking I'm not worth it. I have just done so many horrible things and so many horrible things to you. It was only the third time I had seen you since the funeral. Since I told you what I did.
In those three hours I was a new person, a different person. Like there wasn’t an earth shattering history behind us. Everything just seemed to be so perfect in every way, it felt as if there wasn't a secret between us. I would quit everything that I have been doing, if it got me you. But so much has changed. In both of us.
<3
Katie
When I saw you it was awkward and unadmittedly upsetting, because you’re a reminder of everything that has gone wrong in my life.
But I forgave you. I forgave the hurt. The abandonment.
But when you were over later today it was nice and completely doomed and unattainable, but perfect at the same time. I want everything you want I really do, I'm just not at that point in my life and you are, and I want so badly to be there. But I'm not. For once i'm not going take what I want and forget what’s best for you.
It would have been easy to fall back into you. I fell in love again, you did that. You were talking and I looked at you like I've never looked at you before and you were just saying the things I wanted to hear. I just kept thinking I'm not worth it. I have just done so many horrible things and so many horrible things to you. It was only the third time I had seen you since the funeral. Since I told you what I did.
In those three hours I was a new person, a different person. Like there wasn’t an earth shattering history behind us. Everything just seemed to be so perfect in every way, it felt as if there wasn't a secret between us. I would quit everything that I have been doing, if it got me you. But so much has changed. In both of us.
<3
Katie