(no subject)
alright so i've started this entry like 8 times. i dont even know whats goin on.
its been a crazy few weeks. the interview went well. the guy i talked to is insane and i love it.
the story writing presentation....well thats a whole other story.
i went to talk to her on monday morning because i had JUST purchased the book (it was unattainable in winona or anywhere around) and it turned out to be like 300 pgs. so i went to her with a prepared speech to explain my situation and ask for some leaniancy. instead, what do i do? o yes. i start crying. bawling actually. she has this way of making me feel like a complete idiot. i was SO embarassed. i havent cried in a long time so it was like, built up. she gave me tissue, a cookie, and after making me feel like a 5 yr old, sent me off. i also had to talk to my other eng prof right after. i walked around for a bit to compose myself but as soon as i started talking, the tears came again. talk about pity points. at least i got something out of the deal.
sooo long story short, i got my presentation done. i felt pretty good about it. i would say it's B work. so i get up, i give the presentation, and then i ask for questions. my prof, knowing full well how much difficulty i had, asked me all these questions that, as far as i can tell, were there only to mess me up. i answered them best i could and felt pretty ok. i figured she was going to quiz everyone like she did me. so i sat down and the next presenter went. afterwards she asked for questions and my prof was dead silent. not a FUCKING word. this chick didnt even have a powerpoint! no visuals! she read off her sheet of paper the entire time. i was pissed. i still am pissed. really pissed. what am i? o yea. pissed.
ok. so that was today. i've officially turned off my brain for the next couple days. i only have biology tomorrow. its at noon. im just gonna not set my alarm clock and if i get up in time, i'll go. if not, too bad.
i went home last weekend. that was a bust. i got to see some church people whom i miss very much, but other than that and some quality time with my brother, it was pointless. i should have stayed in nona and gotten wasted with my friends. i missed some hardcore bonding time.
i've been hanging out with ryan pretty much every day during the week. i'm so excited that we've gotten to be friends. dont worry kids, theres nothing there. trust me. u would have heard if there was. yeah, i like him. but as usual he's into someone else. im over it. im just psyched to have a new guy friend. im at a serious lack of those here.
tomorrow night is party night. me and lara are going out (hopefully to erik's) to get shitfaced beyond belief. i need this. god, i never thought this would be my life. i'm not an alcohalic, but i have definatly learned to enjoy the feeling of being drunk. i love the big party atmosphere and the randoms i meet there. i didnt think i ever would.
ok. so last week at some point i had a thought whilst drifting off to sleep. and it kinda depressed me. i was thinking about how truely happy i was at the end of high school. the summer after graduation was amazing. i realized that i havent been that happy since then and started to examine why. i thoguht about all the things i did that made me happy:
-church every sunday
-choir (singing in general)
-photography
and then i realized. i do NONE of those things anymore. lets see. i got to church when i'm home, but thats it. i havent sung since our last choir concert, despite my best intentions to join a choir. and, perhaps saddest of all, i have not taken a single artistic photograph with my SLR in over two years. i think its that that depressed me most. photography is my art. i'm good at it. i love it. i feel good when i'm doing it. why don't i do it anymore?
then i started thinking about what i replaced those things with:
-smoking (killed my soprano voice)
-drinking (sadly it's become a weekly ritual that i love and look forward to)
-studying (probably the worst and most boring activity ever)
yea. so no wonder i've been so meh lately.
ok. well this has been quite the depressing LJ.... i apologize. but hey. u guys asked for an update, and i supplied. it'll be happier once i get some sleep and fun activity in. gnight kiddies!
its been a crazy few weeks. the interview went well. the guy i talked to is insane and i love it.
the story writing presentation....well thats a whole other story.
i went to talk to her on monday morning because i had JUST purchased the book (it was unattainable in winona or anywhere around) and it turned out to be like 300 pgs. so i went to her with a prepared speech to explain my situation and ask for some leaniancy. instead, what do i do? o yes. i start crying. bawling actually. she has this way of making me feel like a complete idiot. i was SO embarassed. i havent cried in a long time so it was like, built up. she gave me tissue, a cookie, and after making me feel like a 5 yr old, sent me off. i also had to talk to my other eng prof right after. i walked around for a bit to compose myself but as soon as i started talking, the tears came again. talk about pity points. at least i got something out of the deal.
sooo long story short, i got my presentation done. i felt pretty good about it. i would say it's B work. so i get up, i give the presentation, and then i ask for questions. my prof, knowing full well how much difficulty i had, asked me all these questions that, as far as i can tell, were there only to mess me up. i answered them best i could and felt pretty ok. i figured she was going to quiz everyone like she did me. so i sat down and the next presenter went. afterwards she asked for questions and my prof was dead silent. not a FUCKING word. this chick didnt even have a powerpoint! no visuals! she read off her sheet of paper the entire time. i was pissed. i still am pissed. really pissed. what am i? o yea. pissed.
ok. so that was today. i've officially turned off my brain for the next couple days. i only have biology tomorrow. its at noon. im just gonna not set my alarm clock and if i get up in time, i'll go. if not, too bad.
i went home last weekend. that was a bust. i got to see some church people whom i miss very much, but other than that and some quality time with my brother, it was pointless. i should have stayed in nona and gotten wasted with my friends. i missed some hardcore bonding time.
i've been hanging out with ryan pretty much every day during the week. i'm so excited that we've gotten to be friends. dont worry kids, theres nothing there. trust me. u would have heard if there was. yeah, i like him. but as usual he's into someone else. im over it. im just psyched to have a new guy friend. im at a serious lack of those here.
tomorrow night is party night. me and lara are going out (hopefully to erik's) to get shitfaced beyond belief. i need this. god, i never thought this would be my life. i'm not an alcohalic, but i have definatly learned to enjoy the feeling of being drunk. i love the big party atmosphere and the randoms i meet there. i didnt think i ever would.
ok. so last week at some point i had a thought whilst drifting off to sleep. and it kinda depressed me. i was thinking about how truely happy i was at the end of high school. the summer after graduation was amazing. i realized that i havent been that happy since then and started to examine why. i thoguht about all the things i did that made me happy:
-church every sunday
-choir (singing in general)
-photography
and then i realized. i do NONE of those things anymore. lets see. i got to church when i'm home, but thats it. i havent sung since our last choir concert, despite my best intentions to join a choir. and, perhaps saddest of all, i have not taken a single artistic photograph with my SLR in over two years. i think its that that depressed me most. photography is my art. i'm good at it. i love it. i feel good when i'm doing it. why don't i do it anymore?
then i started thinking about what i replaced those things with:
-smoking (killed my soprano voice)
-drinking (sadly it's become a weekly ritual that i love and look forward to)
-studying (probably the worst and most boring activity ever)
yea. so no wonder i've been so meh lately.
ok. well this has been quite the depressing LJ.... i apologize. but hey. u guys asked for an update, and i supplied. it'll be happier once i get some sleep and fun activity in. gnight kiddies!