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[_katecaleal_]

I dont know if I will be able to get through the rest of this year without being high the entire time. It's not that I am addicted to anything at all, I just find it so much more interesting or maybe it's just that time goes by faster. I like waking up and wanting to do something, and right now, I wake up and want to get stoned... I really want

Comments

Re: Fear

[_katecaleal_]

This is a reply to everyone who ever so passionately responded. Thank you for your concern, yet I think that you missed my point. As of right now, I don't wake up and get stoned and I have not for quite a while, as a matter of fact I havent even smoked in about five days. I am not addicted, but my point was that I want to be because it would give something to do...all of the time. I dont necassarily believe that I will, but ranting about something can be quite liberating. I understand what you mean about being enlightened when not on drugs and I completely agree. I am not looking to be enlightened through drugs. Secondly, as much as you have been told by the ridiculous "say no to drugs" campaign, I think that instead of feeding into the machine, you should do som research on your own, both medical and literary. Pot is not a drug...the "long term effects" do not exist other than the possibility of cancer, which one can get from drinking an enormous amount of diet coke. So thank you for your concern, but I do not need help, and this is not me denying it, because I beleive that I am intelligent enough to know when something became a problem. And I am sure that I will never stop caring, but for now, I am merely not making it a point. If something angers me or disappoints me I will speak my mind, but I am sick of always having such a firm opinion. I am just going to "be" thats it, that is all I want for now, I am not going to drop out of school, start shooting smack, and drown myself in a river, so dont worry. I am just going to live and let live...the inevitability of life will steer my soul, where it takes me I will never know, and right now, I dont care.

Re: Fear

[michigansenator]

"I am not addicted, but my point was that I want to be because it would give something to do...all of the time."

You want to be Joey? Do whatever you want, but one day you better stop.

It seems liberating to the smoker, but pathetic to the on-looker. Trust me, I know.

Re: Fear

[o_emokid_o]

Kate... you know going with the main stream isn't always bad. You don't have to smoke pot just to be different. I'm just confused as to why you still do get stoned. Why? It's a question not to be taken lightly.

And in addition would you agree with me that cigarettes are harmful? And who mainly argues their harmfulness? The "Machine" and the "say no to drugs" campaign people. I don't know how I, or anyone else for that matter can convince you you're harming yourself.

And although I'm glad to learn you're not waking up in the morning and getting stoned. It worries me that you still want to... for any reason. Addiction springs up on you Kate, it's not like you'll ever see yourself "becoming" addicted. One morning you're just going to realize it, and by then it will be too late. I wish you could see yourself from my perspective.

First you told everyone how you went cold turkey for awhile, and I was extremely happy yet still confused as to why you would advocate pot to Ana, Zack, and I in your car if you had actually decided to stop by yourself. At that point you must've recognized something wrong was going on enough to cause you to stop. When I found out you'd been using again, I was greatly dismayed because I saw that you couldn't actually go cold turkey, even if you wanted too. You may have convinced yourself that it was for some reason or another, but I think physically you just couldn't. And now, more recently, I learn that you think about doing pot (and other drugs) even when you know you shouldn't be tempted to.

I'm worried that you can't see your own addiction through your percieved "choices" to keep doing drugs. I'm not saying any of this because of what I've learned from "the machine" or because I'm taking what I've been fed. I used to be really good friends once with one of my buddies from middle school, but then his brother started introducing him to pot and he got really heavey into it and just lost all sense of self. It was really sad to watch him just become almost permanently stoned, and nothing stopped him until within the past few months when his mother found his stash and started getting him some help.

Kate... I really believe you're losing your will to resist this. I see it and it really does scare me. You've given up. Not only at fighting pot, but fighting for or against anything.

I just hope Ana, Zack, and I won't give up on you.

Re: Fear

[_katecaleal_]

Wow, you guys are too much...I dont think I will post any more comments. You completely misunderstand me and have no real idea of who I am, thank you for trying. I am used to another crowd and I realize now that it suits me better... you read waaayyy to far into this, its funny too because sometimes I like to fictionalize my livejournal to make it more interesting...its the creative writer with in, so please, take everything in and realize that it might not be all true.

Re: Fear

[tokyoroseraa]

I don't get it or you, but I don't really care either.
Whatever works.
Peace