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I dont know if I will be able to get through the rest of this year without being high the entire time. It's not that I am addicted to anything at all, I just find it so much more interesting or maybe it's just that time goes by faster. I like waking up and wanting to do something, and right now, I wake up and want to get stoned... I really want
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"Success is often no more than the reward that comes from the constant dripping of water on a stone. You may not yet have changed the world, but it has not left it as it found it either."
I wish you could see all the effects of even having some as idealistic as you around. I could just see the tiny gears turning the under classmens' heads when you started to get passionate about the death penalty. There's so much more here at hand Kate. You're such a treasure here at Groves, and if you think that others ignore it with their apathy, I think you're wrong.
Worst of all, I am filled with dispair when I hear that you cannot go without getting up and getting stoned in the morning. I fear that maybe things might have gone farther than you wished. I'm really worried about you Kate. To the point where I almost want to talk to someone about it. You're becoming addicted, and it's just like Ana says, you don't need to be stoned to experience this exuberant life. I wish I could be as elegant as her in my communication, but I'm not.
I'm scared Kate. I don't want you to fall into this... this addiction. It would be such a waste of all this vast intelligence and passion I see in you. Please... do it for us.
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You want to be Joey? Do whatever you want, but one day you better stop.
It seems liberating to the smoker, but pathetic to the on-looker. Trust me, I know.
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And in addition would you agree with me that cigarettes are harmful? And who mainly argues their harmfulness? The "Machine" and the "say no to drugs" campaign people. I don't know how I, or anyone else for that matter can convince you you're harming yourself.
And although I'm glad to learn you're not waking up in the morning and getting stoned. It worries me that you still want to... for any reason. Addiction springs up on you Kate, it's not like you'll ever see yourself "becoming" addicted. One morning you're just going to realize it, and by then it will be too late. I wish you could see yourself from my perspective.
First you told everyone how you went cold turkey for awhile, and I was extremely happy yet still confused as to why you would advocate pot to Ana, Zack, and I in your car if you had actually decided to stop by yourself. At that point you must've recognized something wrong was going on enough to cause you to stop. When I found out you'd been using again, I was greatly dismayed because I saw that you couldn't actually go cold turkey, even if you wanted too. You may have convinced yourself that it was for some reason or another, but I think physically you just couldn't. And now, more recently, I learn that you think about doing pot (and other drugs) even when you know you shouldn't be tempted to.
I'm worried that you can't see your own addiction through your percieved "choices" to keep doing drugs. I'm not saying any of this because of what I've learned from "the machine" or because I'm taking what I've been fed. I used to be really good friends once with one of my buddies from middle school, but then his brother started introducing him to pot and he got really heavey into it and just lost all sense of self. It was really sad to watch him just become almost permanently stoned, and nothing stopped him until within the past few months when his mother found his stash and started getting him some help.
Kate... I really believe you're losing your will to resist this. I see it and it really does scare me. You've given up. Not only at fighting pot, but fighting for or against anything.
I just hope Ana, Zack, and I won't give up on you.
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Whatever works.
Peace
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