I love my cat, despite not being around her all the time.
(Quick pre story: my cat has been sick for over a year now with an incurable disease that makes it so she can eat and eat and eat but never get any nutrients. My parents have a traveling business and due to this fact, they have been traveling with my cat for many months now in order to make sure she is taken care of)
Today we loaded up the van to leave from the show again, and my father kept putting things in my way. Politely asking if I could move things, he just said “Do whatever you want”. I noticed he was putting things in the way of where the litter box is, and commented, “I don’t have her other litterbox available.” He gets mad, and I say “well, I sit right there.” So, instead of being a rational human being, he starts getting all pissy and says we should just leave her here then. Basically he is tired of lugging the cat around. I understand they travel, and the cat is sick so she has to travel along with them. I get that it is a burden, but she’s part of the family, and they have managed to work it out so she could stay with them. Unfortunately, my father apparently is pissed at the idea, so when mother entered the car, he said “We have to figure out what we are going to do with the cat,” and they proceeded to bitch to each other, then my mother says “fine, I am always the one that has to make the decision. I guess we just need to put her down.” The conversation was pretty much settled then. So, the ride goes on as I am quietly sobbing in the backseat, and we begin to settle down for the 3 hour trip home. Isabel crawls in Father’s lap like nothing is wrong and this just makes me cry even more because she doesn’t know what is coming. She doesn’t know the evil that is my father. She will never understand. It’s not her fault she’s sick, but she’s going to be punished for it.
I love my cat, and would love to take her in. After all this went down, I said “I wish I could take her in, but I don’t have the money for the deposit or to keep her fed”. Other than that, I mean…at least I am around to take care of her for the most part. Mom commented that if that were the case they would gladly pay the deposit and other necessities, but it isn’t my responsibility. Of course, Father put his two cents in with “well you couldn’t afford to move to FL but you did that anyways.” To which my Mother got annoyed with and said that Isabel is not my responsibility. Still, I can’t help but want so desperately to just take her with me. I can’t bear the thought of her having to be put down. I realize she is sick, but she doesn’t seem to be hurting, and she is still a loving cat. I understand that my parents figured she’d be dead by now…but I guess my glass is half full in thinking how blessed we are that we’ve gotten this much extra time with her.
There she goes again…in to the lap of the horrible human being that is my father. He treats his loved ones with such disrespect. The only person in this world he truly cares for is my mother, but I have a feeling it is because he is too insecure to ever be alone in his life.
I’ve lost so much respect for my father in the recent years. I can’t believe it has even taken me this long. I have trouble with the fact that he’s a heartless asshole, and despite my desperate attempts to hold on, he pushes me further away every day. Growing up was so much different with him. We had enjoyable moments like spending my days off of school with him. We’d travel around to his different job sites, eat icecream, and generally spend good quality time together. That time has long since been gone. We can’t seem to be in the same house together much less the same room or small confined car. It’s a shame, really, that things have gotten this way. I used to love my father. Now he’s just the man who raised me.
My Mom keeps hugging Isabel. I really hope they don’t try to put her down tomorrow. I have a feeling they will have to fly me back to Florida if that is the case. I won’t be able to stand looking at my father. There’s already so many things I will never forgive him for. I just want to be able to spend as much time as possible with her, which I haven’t been able to do not living at home anymore.
This is why I guess I can’t have pets. I can never let them go. My dog passed away in high school and I still miss her. At the same time, I hate not having a pet. A pet is someone you can always count on. When you’ve had a bad day, you can scoop them up and pet them. When you are excited, they will sit there and listen no matter how stupid your excitement is. I dunno, I have always loved having pets, and when I don’t have a pet, I feel like a part of me is missing.
Sorry this is so depressing…stay tuned for a few rants about both my parents as well as more upsetting things to come. I’m spending the week with them…so I could probably fill a book with all the things that they are doing to piss me off.
Oh, and other note…this journal is going public. I have no one I care to hide from anymore.