(no subject)
So much I need to write just to get out of my head..but yet I really have no urge to write a single word.
I can honestly say now with no doubt whatsoever in my mind that I am actually in love. And honestly, I can say now with no doubt whatsoever, it scares the Hell out of me. I've had this feeling before, I suppose thats why i am terrified of feeling it again because the last time I had it I fell so hard and before I knew it, no one was there to help me up and I was completely alone and didn't know what to do. But i trust Brian, he looked me in the eyes and told me he loved me and thats when it really hit me and I've been playing that over and over in my mind and I almost wanna cry thinking about it. I mean, with everything goin on lately he seems to be the only thing thats going right in my life. I really just dont know what I would do if I didnt have him right now. Too bad he doesnt read this thing, b/c i'll never be able to tell him that to his face without breaking down and then he wouldn't be able to understand a word I was saying anyway...
I'm watching "EXTREME COPS"..its quite ammusing. There are some crazy ass people out there..preeeeetty scary.
I really like my new home. It's incredibly quiet and quite small but i really like it..its perfect for the 2 of us (me and my dad). Too bad my mom knows where the appt. is now, sucks. I feel so bad for that woman, well, part of me does at least. She is so lonely. I went to see her last night and the entire time I was there she just cried and cried and cried. I don't know if she noticed my bruised arm from where she bit me, then again i dotn see how she could miss it..I think that had alot to do with why she fell apart. It sucks..it really really does b/c I have no idea what I'm supposed to do? I'm not giving her another chance, thats for sure..she promised me the last time she got back from the hospital that she would NEVER put us through this again but yet here we are..going through it, AGAIN! When she came to the appt. tonight (I was taking a nap, but my dad told me this) he said that she was crying and that she wanted us to come back and stay with her and that shes sorry but after all that, my dad said no, and suddenly the tears stopped flowing and she starts yelling at him so my dad just told her to leave and that the whole point of me and him moving out was to get away from her so we wouldnt' have to see her or hear her or deal with her, with that said..she left.
I'm slowly but surely finding the old Judeth. the one that smiles and laughs all the time. Once my mom just completely backs off..she'll be back, so yall be prepared. it should be intresting. anyway, its late and im tired. I'll update some more tomorrow if anything happens, sweet dreams :)