I could tell you the truth like I used to and not be afraid of sounding fake
A friend of mine recently decided to start up an lj community for teenagers to discuss issues. So once again I'm in the situation of running two ljs. One for RL friends where we discuss things but avoid crazy stuff, and one where we can rant and moan and go to communities for miserable people without worrying about RL friends seeing the words "cutterselfharm" on our profile. Maybe it would be easier to just sort out filters. But then again, maybe it wouldn't.
When I decided to dust off my old account for the community, I decided to make all the entries on there private. There's too much stuff mentioned on there that I don't want RL people reading anymore. Maybe there's a quicker way of doing this and I'm just blonde, but whatever, I had to go through and edit each entry. Consequently, I ended up reading a few. What shocked and disgusted me most was how much better my writing was.
I've known that my standard of writing has slipped a lot, but I guess I hadn't realised quite how much. But I could instantly see the difference between the rambling, pointless entries I pollute your friends pages with on this account and the entries I was posting there...what, up to eight months or so ago? Oh dear. I nearly cried.
How can someone's writing abilities actually get worse? Is it that I've stopped caring so much? My mental distance from life has translated into a distance between my mind and words? I can't express myself anymore.
I guess I'd always kind of assumed that if I really wanted to write coherently and well, I still could. Now I'm scared that I can't. Maybe I just can't. That's a horrible thought. I can't express myself anymore.
When I decided to dust off my old account for the community, I decided to make all the entries on there private. There's too much stuff mentioned on there that I don't want RL people reading anymore. Maybe there's a quicker way of doing this and I'm just blonde, but whatever, I had to go through and edit each entry. Consequently, I ended up reading a few. What shocked and disgusted me most was how much better my writing was.
I've known that my standard of writing has slipped a lot, but I guess I hadn't realised quite how much. But I could instantly see the difference between the rambling, pointless entries I pollute your friends pages with on this account and the entries I was posting there...what, up to eight months or so ago? Oh dear. I nearly cried.
How can someone's writing abilities actually get worse? Is it that I've stopped caring so much? My mental distance from life has translated into a distance between my mind and words? I can't express myself anymore.
I guess I'd always kind of assumed that if I really wanted to write coherently and well, I still could. Now I'm scared that I can't. Maybe I just can't. That's a horrible thought. I can't express myself anymore.