(no subject)
So i definitely skipped school for like the first time ever. My mom called me in sick.
Last night I think I was doing well until the end of tech. Strike was all well and good, despite the fact that it was really sad, but when we started talking about the fact that we had a physics quiz I started getting frustrated. And I dont remember what got me thinking about my parents, but something did, and that was the straw that broke the cammel's back and I started to cry. I must say though that Bill and Jeff are the most amazing people in the world sometimes. So I got in the car and just wanted to die or something and my mom felt aweful for me. She knew why I was crying of course, and she looked at me and said, "I really didn't know until recently how much this affects you and Robin. It never seemed to affect Aaron." Well first of all, Aaron was affected, and he used to hide in his room and lock the door and play video games to escape it all, we just deal with it differently. I use theatre as a means to escape. And second of all, Aaron lives in Indiana now, and it's only gotten REAL bad in the last couple years. So no wonder it seemed like Aaron wasn't affected. But that was a bit of a tangent. My mom felt really bad and all and I told her how responsible I felt. She told me that it was rediculous to feel responsible, but I told her how hard it was not to because of the phone calls like, "You get your ass home right now!" when she's out at our play and stuff like that. I mean I know it's not really me that's responsible, and my mom said that even if i wasn't here they would still have these kinds of problems, but sometimes it really feels like I'm at fault. Then she took me out to 7-11 for a slurpee and we went home. I had told Jeff and Bill that I was seriously thinking of just taking a day off but I was kinda thinking that would never happen. But then my mom suggested the same thing to me, and when I got home just so wiped and feeling like shit (cuz I'm sick on top of everything) and had a TON of work that I just didn't feel like doing, I decided that maybe I would feel better if I took the day off, so I did.
And despite some things, I'm thinking more clearly and just overall feeling better. My parents are both not home right now so it's quiet and relaxing here for the first time in..... a long time.
Last night I think I was doing well until the end of tech. Strike was all well and good, despite the fact that it was really sad, but when we started talking about the fact that we had a physics quiz I started getting frustrated. And I dont remember what got me thinking about my parents, but something did, and that was the straw that broke the cammel's back and I started to cry. I must say though that Bill and Jeff are the most amazing people in the world sometimes. So I got in the car and just wanted to die or something and my mom felt aweful for me. She knew why I was crying of course, and she looked at me and said, "I really didn't know until recently how much this affects you and Robin. It never seemed to affect Aaron." Well first of all, Aaron was affected, and he used to hide in his room and lock the door and play video games to escape it all, we just deal with it differently. I use theatre as a means to escape. And second of all, Aaron lives in Indiana now, and it's only gotten REAL bad in the last couple years. So no wonder it seemed like Aaron wasn't affected. But that was a bit of a tangent. My mom felt really bad and all and I told her how responsible I felt. She told me that it was rediculous to feel responsible, but I told her how hard it was not to because of the phone calls like, "You get your ass home right now!" when she's out at our play and stuff like that. I mean I know it's not really me that's responsible, and my mom said that even if i wasn't here they would still have these kinds of problems, but sometimes it really feels like I'm at fault. Then she took me out to 7-11 for a slurpee and we went home. I had told Jeff and Bill that I was seriously thinking of just taking a day off but I was kinda thinking that would never happen. But then my mom suggested the same thing to me, and when I got home just so wiped and feeling like shit (cuz I'm sick on top of everything) and had a TON of work that I just didn't feel like doing, I decided that maybe I would feel better if I took the day off, so I did.
And despite some things, I'm thinking more clearly and just overall feeling better. My parents are both not home right now so it's quiet and relaxing here for the first time in..... a long time.