Not Meant To Be
I went for my BETA this morning. Armed with 2 positive hpts, I was cautiously optimistic that we'd get favourable results - so much so, that I went in to work this afternoon to wait for the call.
At 3:45, they told me that my BETA was 2.
I told them that I had 2 positive hpts, and the nurse was immediately concerned that there had been a mix up in the lab. She told me that another woman had also gone for a BETA today at Dr. Barwin's with a result of 900 (!), so she wondered if I could take another hpt and call them in the morning. I did, and it was glaringly negative.
I have no idea what happened - to say we were blindsided is an understatement. We both came home and stared at our hpts, completely dumbfounded. I was very unsure of every aspect of this situation, but the one thing I KNEW was that I WAS pregnant. And now I'm not. The strange thing is, after we got our last +hpt Sunday, I awoke the next morning in excrutiating pain. It wasn't the same pain as the one that precipitated the last disaster, but it made me uneasy. We thought it was indigestion, and indeed once I took a few Tums it went away. I was getting increasingly nauseous, so I figured everything was on track. I should have taken a hpt this morning... I hope to God this isn't a sign that there's a problem with me.
I went to my dance class tonight because I needed to get out and be around people who have no idea - there's a certain freedom in that. I'm going to call McGill tomorrow morning. They want us to see Dr. Holzer, and I want to know if I should save any tissue from my upcoming period for testing. This *is* technically an early m/c, so I'm hoping it will count as my second - I then may be in line for some more exploratory bloodwork.
I'm still in shock. I waver between feeling okay-but-sad and feeling absolutely gutted. You can't help but dream, and although I tried hard NOT to anticipate anything favourable, I was secretly bandying about names in my head, and Edward beamed the one time I had enough courage - with +hpt in hand - to call him Daddy. This was supposed to be different. This was supposed to be MY TURN.
However, the one thing for which I am very VERY grateful is that we were spared the horror we lived through last cycle. We won't try again until the Spring, as we don't want to drive in the crappy weather - it's stressful enough without dealing with slippery, treacherous roads. Plus, we need time to heal from all of this...
We need a break.
At 3:45, they told me that my BETA was 2.
I told them that I had 2 positive hpts, and the nurse was immediately concerned that there had been a mix up in the lab. She told me that another woman had also gone for a BETA today at Dr. Barwin's with a result of 900 (!), so she wondered if I could take another hpt and call them in the morning. I did, and it was glaringly negative.
I have no idea what happened - to say we were blindsided is an understatement. We both came home and stared at our hpts, completely dumbfounded. I was very unsure of every aspect of this situation, but the one thing I KNEW was that I WAS pregnant. And now I'm not. The strange thing is, after we got our last +hpt Sunday, I awoke the next morning in excrutiating pain. It wasn't the same pain as the one that precipitated the last disaster, but it made me uneasy. We thought it was indigestion, and indeed once I took a few Tums it went away. I was getting increasingly nauseous, so I figured everything was on track. I should have taken a hpt this morning... I hope to God this isn't a sign that there's a problem with me.
I went to my dance class tonight because I needed to get out and be around people who have no idea - there's a certain freedom in that. I'm going to call McGill tomorrow morning. They want us to see Dr. Holzer, and I want to know if I should save any tissue from my upcoming period for testing. This *is* technically an early m/c, so I'm hoping it will count as my second - I then may be in line for some more exploratory bloodwork.
I'm still in shock. I waver between feeling okay-but-sad and feeling absolutely gutted. You can't help but dream, and although I tried hard NOT to anticipate anything favourable, I was secretly bandying about names in my head, and Edward beamed the one time I had enough courage - with +hpt in hand - to call him Daddy. This was supposed to be different. This was supposed to be MY TURN.
However, the one thing for which I am very VERY grateful is that we were spared the horror we lived through last cycle. We won't try again until the Spring, as we don't want to drive in the crappy weather - it's stressful enough without dealing with slippery, treacherous roads. Plus, we need time to heal from all of this...
We need a break.