(no subject)
Let's not waste time ... chasing cars ... or whatever else you kids like to do.
I honestly don't even know where to begin. I've probably had about three different paragraphs written but have erased them for whatever reason. I'm still kind of numb to everything, looking back over this past month. It's been a fuckin hell of a roller coaster that honestly, I don't think is even close to being over. I just want my normalcy back, where I don't feel violated and used. Hopefully things are done, and back to normal and everything will begin to sort itself out in a good way. And maybe I can begin to sleep well again, and actually feel refreshed after a full night. Yeah... maybe.
I still long for the days when things were perfect in my mind. There is not a second that goes by that I do not wish they were still here. It's hard kissing your lips when I now know where they've been. There is no question now; confirmation. How do I ever look into your eyes and seek trust and truth? I changed my life for you ... so many times.
I had a good weekend. I went out with Jarred and Emily on Thursday.
Went to Justin's on Friday and got pretty wasted. Whoa. I'll have to post some of those pics sometime.
Had a quiet Saturday night alone watching Jurassic Park and Finding Nemo. Good night.
Then spent Sunday watching the Redskins win, and having a talk that pretty much rocked me to my foundations.
But, I'm a strong person. I'm a good person ... and somewhere, somehow, I'll pull through all of this and know that I made the right decisions. I just want to get through it easily, quickly, and painlessly.
I wish it were my birthday, and I was having a party. Cliff was suppose to plan it ... but ... that just isn't happening.
I honestly don't even know where to begin. I've probably had about three different paragraphs written but have erased them for whatever reason. I'm still kind of numb to everything, looking back over this past month. It's been a fuckin hell of a roller coaster that honestly, I don't think is even close to being over. I just want my normalcy back, where I don't feel violated and used. Hopefully things are done, and back to normal and everything will begin to sort itself out in a good way. And maybe I can begin to sleep well again, and actually feel refreshed after a full night. Yeah... maybe.
I still long for the days when things were perfect in my mind. There is not a second that goes by that I do not wish they were still here. It's hard kissing your lips when I now know where they've been. There is no question now; confirmation. How do I ever look into your eyes and seek trust and truth? I changed my life for you ... so many times.
I had a good weekend. I went out with Jarred and Emily on Thursday.
Went to Justin's on Friday and got pretty wasted. Whoa. I'll have to post some of those pics sometime.
Had a quiet Saturday night alone watching Jurassic Park and Finding Nemo. Good night.
Then spent Sunday watching the Redskins win, and having a talk that pretty much rocked me to my foundations.
But, I'm a strong person. I'm a good person ... and somewhere, somehow, I'll pull through all of this and know that I made the right decisions. I just want to get through it easily, quickly, and painlessly.
I wish it were my birthday, and I was having a party. Cliff was suppose to plan it ... but ... that just isn't happening.