I feel most introspective late at night.
Sometimes I sit up at night because I can't stop thinking about things I have done wrong in life, I am plagued to wonder "what if" whether things go good or bad. I think back on people I have hurt, directly or indirectly. Friendships I've squandered and let die for no reason. I often wonder the difference had I made any effort at all in high school. If I understood that I had opportunities there. A million things done wrong, and only half that many done right so to speak. I should push myself more.
I need to write, to be creative again, and yet I need to discipline myself and not leave pieces of work unfinished or with gaps in the story. I need to learn to master the guitar, and/or get around to relearning to drum and finally be involved with music in some way. Not for money or "being in a band" but for the sake of creating and sharing with people.
Am I the only one that has days or nights like this? Tell me about them. I seek to rebuild friendships, and forge new ones. So let me leave you with "WHAT THE FUCK IS UP IN YOUR LIVES? TELL ME PLEASE" e-mail me long winded messages, call me and blabber on about nothing.
I miss you all dearly, even those of you whom I see regularly. I want to see you all more, and hear from you all more often.
I started to type this because I am hyper from drinking hot chocolate, and could not get to sleep. It's slowly rolling into a real post, which is interesting because I had deleted my journal for lack of desire to update anymore. However I realize that this is one of the few ways that forces me to write regularly as well as see what other people are doing. Fuck facebook. Livejournal is where it's at.
I don't need your faces, I need your lives. In a non-soul collecting way of course.
Love you all
-Orange Tree