You know you're from Sweden when...
You rummage through your plastic bag collection to see which ones you can keep to take to the shop and which ones can be sacrificed for rubbish.
This used to be true, but these days I bring reusable bags to the store. In fact, I now have to buy garbage bags - something I haven't done since I lived in Florida.
The first thing you do upon entering a bank/post office/drug store etc. is to look for the queue number machine.
You accept that you will have to queue to take a queue number.
When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume:
a: he is drunk
b: he is insane
c: he's an American
Your front step resembles a shoe shop.
An outside temperature of 40*F is mild.
Depends on the season. Mid-winter? Oh yeah, you better believe it's mild!
You have conversations with people outside when it is 10*F
Having to book seat numbers at a cinema makes perfect sense. And you sit in your booked seat even if there are only 2 other people there and your seat is in the front row, on the side.
Well, the last part isn't true, I have no problem moving once I'm sure no one else is coming.
You use 'mmmm' as a conversation filler.
You wear warm clothing when it's 75*F in April - because it's April.
You wear shorts and t-shirt when it's barely 50*F in July - because it's July.
I don't do this, but I make fun of ALL THE OTHER SWEDES, who do. *g*
You think women are more than equal to men and deserve to have better positions in the work place.
Anyone here who doesn't? Show of hands?
Your wife watches TV while you look after the kids.
Don't have a wife, but this does not seem out of the ordinary for me. And why should it?
You assume that anyone who apologizes after bumping into you is a tourist.
You can name at least 5 different types of snow
Well, yeah, of course!
Seeing full-frontal nudity on daytime & prime time TV as well as in family movies seems perfectly normal.
You expect to find the glove you dropped in February hanging on a post in June
You will squeeze past somebody rather than say excuse me.
Nah, politeness was beaten into me in the States.
You think that smoking is really not that bad, even for 13 year olds.
Okay, this one just seems really weird in this day and age. I mean, we're not Danes! ;-)
You take two hour naps at work and the idea of losing your job never crosses your mind.
Napping? Nah. Watching YouTube vids? You betcha!
You can't throw a plastic bottle away with out having a guilty conscience.
Oh god, not this! I've been sucking at the recycling thing lately and now I feel bad about being so lazy...
You get up for a cigarette at 2 AM in July and put on your sunglasses first.
Don't smoke anymore, but yeah, the 2 am and sunglasses thing doesn't seem like a huge anomaly. Also, waaaaaah, I hate that it's already getting darker.
While visiting England someone gives you directions and says, "It's about 5 miles down the road." You in turn ask, "Are you talking Swedish miles or English miles?"
Well, no, but then again, I learned to drive using miles.
It seems normal to you that you've been bleeding in the emergency room at the hospital for four and a half hours when the three doctors walk by on their third coffee break since you got there.
You only leave the country to stockpile cheap alcohol.
I don't drink that much, but I definitely know people who do this.
You use a coupon to save 5 kronor on something that costs over 100 kronor.
That's a five percent discount, so of course!
The idiots in all your jokes are Norwegian.
Naturally! =)
You feel a certain sense of pride when you see Swedish people in films or on foreign TV shows.
I think this is only natural when you're from a small country. What I find fascinating, though, is the dichotomy of how Swedes always put down their country while they're here, but become ultra-patriotic as soon as they step over the border.
You think it is perfectly normal that nobody talks on the bus, train or subway.
What is there to talk about?! I get so annoyed that people talk loudly - usually on their cell phones - that I've taken to listening to music just to block out their voices.
Your house looks like the showcase to IKEA.
*sigh* Of course it does.
You think it's acceptable that builders start banging and hammering at 5.30am.
You don't find it weird that "Sex and the City" is on at 6pm and that you hear little 10 year old girls discussing the latest episode.
Seeing a young woman with lit candles stuck to her head no longer disturbs you.
I don't think this has ever disturbed me. It's pretty!
You know that real Easter eggs are not made of chocolate; they're made of paper and filled with pick'n'mix (lösgodis).
You split the bill by the exact penny after eating at a restaurant.
Haha, yes! This is so Swedish. I think it's because no one ever wants to owe anyone anything.
You would happily catch the subway to the suburbs at 3am or walk alone through a park at night, but you'd NEVER ride in a car without your seatbelt on.
Okay, Stockholm isn't that safe, but the seatbelt is always on. I can't drive without it!
You refer to your age by stating the year you were born.
Not really, but people often ask "what year were you born" instead of how old you are.
You answer the phone by saying your first name.
Yeah, but I didn't think this was a particularly Swedish trait. Is it?
You use the metric system and really don't get why there are people out there who don't.
The metric system rocks!
You feel bad if you're not outside on a sunny day.
No, but other people try to make me feel bad. "Why aren't you outside? It's so nice out." Screw you, I'm watching Kdramas and I got my fill of sunshine by living in The Sunshine State, thank you very much!
You don't understand why non-Swedes find salty licorice inedible.
YUM!
You have never ever heard of either “Anna's gingerbread” nor “Mrs Elswood's cod roe spread - product of Sweden” nor “Swedish glace” nor “Swedish fish” nor “Swedish Berry Candys”.
Add "Frusen Glädje" to that list.
You trust IKEA more than your government.
You find it normal to have to go to a special store that is owned by the government, that's only open during daytime to buy a bottle of wine, or other alcoholic beverages.
You think the best moment in Swedish film history was when Stig Helmer tried to get orange juice from the stewardess call-button.
Hahaha, a CLASSIC.
You actually know what the H and the M in H&M means and consider it shocking that no one else does.
It's not shocking that others don't know, but when I grew up, H&M wasn't called HM (we leave out the & entirely when we say it), everyone said "Hennes" instead (meaning "hers"). So of course I know it! People here still call it that, especially people in my generation or older.
You seriously want to HURT Non-Swedes who ask 'how's life in SWITZERLAND?'
You tell them your surname is Larsson and every Non-Swede automatically assumes you are related to Henrik Larsson.
My surname isn't Larsson, but interestingly (or not so interestingly) enough, I used to go to school with his wife.
At the age of ten, you knew all twenty five counties of Sweden by heart, including every town with approximately more than five people in it. In other words, you’ve have had a good geographical education.
True, but then I promptly forgot them all.
You have absolutely no idea what is meant by" Swedish massage" that keeps being advertised in spas all over the world.
You take your shoes off when entering a house, and don't get why non-Swedes find that funny.
Totally! I find it very ill-mannered to wear my shoes in someone else's living space. Maybe this comes from living in a country where 2/3 of the year wearing your shoes inside means tracking snow and slush all over the place, but honestly, I can't understand why people wouldn't take off their shoes in someone else's house. The Korean way of changing into slippers when you enter a house is probably the best middle ground here.
You don't consider small, round fluffy things stacked over each other and served with syrup to be actual pancakes. Real pancakes are thin, taste better...are served with jam and sometimes whipped cream - just like the ones Pippi Longstocking makes.
Also, PANCAKES ARE NOT BREAKFAST FOOD! You eat it for lunch or dinner. So there!
You know that it is not true, but you like to believe that there is a massive difference between the taste of "julmust" and "påskmust".
Making the cheese look like a ski slope is a mortal offence.
You know that the most common cars in Sweden are not Volvos or Saabs, but "Ahlgrens bilar".
("Ahlgrens bilar" is a candy.)
You insist that Swedish chocolate is the best in the world, despite what the Belgians and the Swiss might say.
I think it's because Sweden makes the best milk chocolate in the world. And I prefer milk chocolate. Except I'm not all that gung-ho about chocolate in general. Which I will just disprove with this next one...
You feel that "kladdkaka" tastes better than normal chocolate cake.
Well, DUH! *had some just last night*
You always get cravings for "Djungelvrål".
You love "Blodpudding" and love the disgusted faces of your non-Swedish friends when you explain what it is.
I don't love it, but it's food, I guess...
You consider a fast and audible intake of breath as a synonym to the word "yes".
Going to IKEA abroad, you end up loitering in the Swedish Food Market, buying more food than furniture.
IKEA hadn't quite made it to the States when I lived there, but we found every store in South Florida that sold Swedish foodstuffs. I mean, holy crap do you miss Swedish food when you're not here!
You insist on sitting outside to have lunch/coffee/beer wrapped in a blanket (or two!) although it's only ten-something degrees outside and barely sunny, since it’s finally time for "uteservering".
Oh, SWEDES! This is so what they do. Just not what I do.
You think it's normal to get your post delivered through a hole in the door
Where else would it be delivered?!
You believe it is very uncommon for people under twenty five to actually be married
You expect government institutions to be efficient and quick in dealing with your problems.
You find it perfectly normal to book a washing machine room several weeks in advance - and no matter what happens on the day (marriage proposal, spontaneous partying, celebrity sighting etc…) you will do your washing on time, dammit!
The booking of the laundry room well in advance I recognize, but I don't exactly let my laundry come before all of those things. In fact, I often forget (or repress. I hate doing laundry).
You get annoyed by people standing to the left in the escalator.
The RIGHT is for standing, the left is for walking! Everyone knows that, c'mon!
Well, that was a whole lot of stuff you never wanted to know about Sweden.
When I left for work this morning I was right in the middle of the last episode of Boys Over Flowers. Yep, I'm going to finish this puppy, no problem! And actually, the point where everyone else seems to have quit in disgust (about halfway through?) is when I started to become really really amused with the show. So it seems that I'm the one full of epic fail in this case, not the show. (Well, okay, maybe the show too.)
I think the reason I started enjoying it was that I finally just gave up caring about the main love triangle and instead started noticing things like Lee Min Ho's waddle (have you ever noticed that he holds his head really still when he walks, making him look very much like a duck on dry land? This cracked me up more times than it probably should have), and how fun the minor characters could be. Also, I got invested in the Yi Jung/Ga Eul 'ship for a while there, but then it got annoying with the long lost love thing, just like in Hana Yori Dango. Blech!
Being the productive employee that I am, I have spent several hours looking at Drama vids on YouTube this week, and stumbling upon a bunch of Coffee Prince vids have made me ache to rewatch it, so I'm probably going to be doing that soon.
I have so much to watch now (I can finally watch Capital Scandal!!!) that I don't even know where to start.