disobedience?
my dad and i have never been on good terms with how i've been running my life for as long as i can remember. i am the prodigal daughter: i should have been a prima ballerina, i should have been a pianist, i should have been a doctor, i should always be in the top n of the class and all these were paid for just so i could be just that. i went against all these and: played bass guitar for a band after i stopped going to piano lessons, immersed myself in hiphop dancing the same year i quit ballet, entered a premed course but eventually refused to continue to medicine, and graduated just a few inches away from receiving honors. i must have been his biggest disappointment, in his eyes, and i thought there would be no hope anymore for me.
he and i always argued about my career choices, especially after he found out that i wouldn't go to med school anymore. wag tularan si ate, walang direksyon ang buhay, he'd always tell my siblings in front of me. and even if i learned to roll with these punches and laugh it all off, it hurt because i was in a course that wasn't for me, it was for them. i applied in it and stood by it until the very end because it was for them. but then recently, after graduation, i immediately applied for another undergraduate degree in broadcast communication, the course i wanted in the first place. i did this because i knew that my psychology degree wouldn't be enough for the field i wanted to enter, and because like what i've always been doing, i wanted to do something for myself. i stayed for four years in the course they wanted; now it's time for me to do two years in the course i want. all he asked was, sigurado ka na ba diyan? and sighed when i nodded enthusiastically.
very recently, we just had one of our concerts at the UP theater, and it was the second dance performance my dad has EVER watched. at the end of the performance, when i went up to family to hug them and thank them for watching(i always do this with all the people i know who comes to watch our concerts), i finally came to my dad, and when i hugged him, ang tagal. he wasn't letting go. i would say, thank you so much for watching, and all he said was, ang galing mo na. congratulations.
so maybe we'll never see eye-to-eye on many, many things. maybe he's still disappointed with my abandoning the world of medicine, even though he may have already accepted it, though grudgingly. maybe he's also still disappointed that he'll never watch me at the CCP theater doing pas de deux-es on my toes. but i know for sure that he knows i'm happy with the choices i've made for myself, he can't do anything to change any of that anymore, and the least he can do is be proud of me for excelling at the fields i chose for myself.
he and i always argued about my career choices, especially after he found out that i wouldn't go to med school anymore. wag tularan si ate, walang direksyon ang buhay, he'd always tell my siblings in front of me. and even if i learned to roll with these punches and laugh it all off, it hurt because i was in a course that wasn't for me, it was for them. i applied in it and stood by it until the very end because it was for them. but then recently, after graduation, i immediately applied for another undergraduate degree in broadcast communication, the course i wanted in the first place. i did this because i knew that my psychology degree wouldn't be enough for the field i wanted to enter, and because like what i've always been doing, i wanted to do something for myself. i stayed for four years in the course they wanted; now it's time for me to do two years in the course i want. all he asked was, sigurado ka na ba diyan? and sighed when i nodded enthusiastically.
very recently, we just had one of our concerts at the UP theater, and it was the second dance performance my dad has EVER watched. at the end of the performance, when i went up to family to hug them and thank them for watching(i always do this with all the people i know who comes to watch our concerts), i finally came to my dad, and when i hugged him, ang tagal. he wasn't letting go. i would say, thank you so much for watching, and all he said was, ang galing mo na. congratulations.
so maybe we'll never see eye-to-eye on many, many things. maybe he's still disappointed with my abandoning the world of medicine, even though he may have already accepted it, though grudgingly. maybe he's also still disappointed that he'll never watch me at the CCP theater doing pas de deux-es on my toes. but i know for sure that he knows i'm happy with the choices i've made for myself, he can't do anything to change any of that anymore, and the least he can do is be proud of me for excelling at the fields i chose for myself.