first - denial. then anger. then....sadness?
I don't know how many times that I have to say this to you Jared...but I'm sorry for everything that happened, and I'm sorry for hurting you. But don't you ever call me a liar again because I never ONCE lied to you about how I felt about you. I never EVER lied about loving you, because I still do. Just not in the exact way we thought I did. It was a misunderstanding on my part, it wasn't a lie.
It's easy to say so much. I guess it was a misunderstanding. I thought being a couple meant giving yourself entirely to the other person. I did.
You didn't.
It would be easier to believe if I hadn't given you everything I was...everything I had...and you smiled, but had your eyes elsewhere. It would be easier to believe you if you had been truthful in the beginning.
Like, maybe never even accepting the promise rings. Or the house. Or even saying I love you.
You can believe what you want and feel what you want, but I disappeared for a reason Jared. I called exactly three people since I've been here and that was AJ, Adam, and Chad. Because they were the ones I was on good terms with and that I thought would want to hear from me after I left. That was it. I didn't call Ashley either. I will always be here for you, and I will always be your friend, but if you think I'm lying to you in some manipulative way to be hateful towards you, go right on ahead, but then we both know you'd be lying to yourself.
I can't tell right now if I hate you...because I hate you. Or if I hate you because you broke up with me. I don't understand any of my feelings right now. And I hate that. I hate that so much. I blame you, but I blame myself.
A healthy relationship, you never have to change who you are...or what you believe in. Or give up so much for nothing in return.
I feel for someone else Jared. Not because I didn't love you enough, and not because I didn't love you at all, and not because I wanted to. It just happened. And I feel that I did the right thing. If I had continued to be with you while I was in love with Ashley, it only would have complicated things even further, and you would be hurt worse than you are right now. You don't choose who and when you fall in love with someone. If I could have helped it, I would still be with you, and I would love you more than anything on the planet, but I can't.
There's destiny, and then there's being responsible. Being mature.
Masking some sort of lust with pure lies "We're not meshing anymore. I'll always love you" shit. What happened...when we fought and you ran off to scotland, or england? The thing that Leila keeps talking about....that weekend?
What happened? Does it matter now, now that I don't mean much to anyone anymore? I'm a big boy, Milo. I was the grown up in the relationship, remeber?
I don't know how many times I'm going to have to try and convince you of this, and right now you apparently don't want to see me because of how hateful and hurtful I was to you, but there's apparently nothing I can do about it anymore. So I'll leave you alone. When you decide you're done cutting yourself off from me, YOU let me know.
It's easy to say so much. I guess it was a misunderstanding. I thought being a couple meant giving yourself entirely to the other person. I did.
You didn't.
It would be easier to believe if I hadn't given you everything I was...everything I had...and you smiled, but had your eyes elsewhere. It would be easier to believe you if you had been truthful in the beginning.
Like, maybe never even accepting the promise rings. Or the house. Or even saying I love you.
You can believe what you want and feel what you want, but I disappeared for a reason Jared. I called exactly three people since I've been here and that was AJ, Adam, and Chad. Because they were the ones I was on good terms with and that I thought would want to hear from me after I left. That was it. I didn't call Ashley either. I will always be here for you, and I will always be your friend, but if you think I'm lying to you in some manipulative way to be hateful towards you, go right on ahead, but then we both know you'd be lying to yourself.
I can't tell right now if I hate you...because I hate you. Or if I hate you because you broke up with me. I don't understand any of my feelings right now. And I hate that. I hate that so much. I blame you, but I blame myself.
A healthy relationship, you never have to change who you are...or what you believe in. Or give up so much for nothing in return.
I feel for someone else Jared. Not because I didn't love you enough, and not because I didn't love you at all, and not because I wanted to. It just happened. And I feel that I did the right thing. If I had continued to be with you while I was in love with Ashley, it only would have complicated things even further, and you would be hurt worse than you are right now. You don't choose who and when you fall in love with someone. If I could have helped it, I would still be with you, and I would love you more than anything on the planet, but I can't.
There's destiny, and then there's being responsible. Being mature.
Masking some sort of lust with pure lies "We're not meshing anymore. I'll always love you" shit. What happened...when we fought and you ran off to scotland, or england? The thing that Leila keeps talking about....that weekend?
What happened? Does it matter now, now that I don't mean much to anyone anymore? I'm a big boy, Milo. I was the grown up in the relationship, remeber?
I don't know how many times I'm going to have to try and convince you of this, and right now you apparently don't want to see me because of how hateful and hurtful I was to you, but there's apparently nothing I can do about it anymore. So I'll leave you alone. When you decide you're done cutting yourself off from me, YOU let me know.