(no subject)
Things are at a point now where it is out..of..my..control. And it won't change until quite some time from now. Just, too many things going on that I can't do anything about because what's done is done or it is going to happen for sure. That's just it.
My gpa went up 0.04 from last progress report. An improvement most optimists would say, but not enough optimism to fill my programmed pessimistic self, when grades are concerned. With grades, I know I will never be happy with them because my parents never will. Not until I break up towards the 3.80 range will they ever be fully content. And somehow, I can't take pride in my measly little 3.29 because I'm not a 3.80 yet. I wish I could do better, I really did, but more and more often I go through my days not worrying about how well I did in class, moreso how to live life better.
But, for me anyways, living life better is to have everyone content with me, parents largely included. I can't be fully content if I know my parents think I'm a slacker or some problem child. My self-confidence is based on what others have thought of me. I can't not care about what others think, it's too hard. When I'm walking down the hallway, I'm constantly thinking, "I wonder what people think of me dressed like this, holding my backpack this way, wearing my hair like this..."
People always say that they don't care majority of the time but personally, I am very judgemental. I base a person and their personality on how they wear their clothes baggy or neat, they way they hold their backpack, the shoes they wear means a lot, the way they talk to their friends and their teacher. And most of the time, I think I'm right with my analysis. You know that saying, "First impressions count the most." or something along those lines? I do that everyday with people around school. I can already tell what kind of person they are, what friends they have, what they do on the weekend, based on a glance or two down the hallway. That is why I think people are constantly judging me because I am constantly judging others.
But going off topic, there are just major aspects in my life that are now out of my control.
Journalism. I don't know how Dianne does it. We're on deadline on Monday and only a good seven people showed up for the voluntary attendance today to work on their layouts. And we're going to be working until seven on Monday. I seriously don't know if we can finish the paper by Monday night. Or if we do finish it, if it will be a good paper. I know for the articles, people were just slapping together some quotes and sentences to make a barely cohesive article and I think it's going to be the same for the layouts.
Weekends. I have just lost interest in hanging out on the weekends. I wouldn't watch some mediocre movie just because my friends and I are going to "hang out." I'd rather opt out for a good conversation and some food thankyouverymuch. This is why there is no "mall culture" in Europe. Americans...sigh. And it seems like nowadays, people are just hitting themselves over the head with a frying pan or something. I won't be too specific on who and such becaues this is public and all, but some people just need to know, I don't care. At all. But if you were endured with this, you would too.
Thats all of my rant that I can post up here. Maybe if you ask, I'll tell you. If you don't really care, I understand, nobody should really care about stuff like this anyways.
My gpa went up 0.04 from last progress report. An improvement most optimists would say, but not enough optimism to fill my programmed pessimistic self, when grades are concerned. With grades, I know I will never be happy with them because my parents never will. Not until I break up towards the 3.80 range will they ever be fully content. And somehow, I can't take pride in my measly little 3.29 because I'm not a 3.80 yet. I wish I could do better, I really did, but more and more often I go through my days not worrying about how well I did in class, moreso how to live life better.
But, for me anyways, living life better is to have everyone content with me, parents largely included. I can't be fully content if I know my parents think I'm a slacker or some problem child. My self-confidence is based on what others have thought of me. I can't not care about what others think, it's too hard. When I'm walking down the hallway, I'm constantly thinking, "I wonder what people think of me dressed like this, holding my backpack this way, wearing my hair like this..."
People always say that they don't care majority of the time but personally, I am very judgemental. I base a person and their personality on how they wear their clothes baggy or neat, they way they hold their backpack, the shoes they wear means a lot, the way they talk to their friends and their teacher. And most of the time, I think I'm right with my analysis. You know that saying, "First impressions count the most." or something along those lines? I do that everyday with people around school. I can already tell what kind of person they are, what friends they have, what they do on the weekend, based on a glance or two down the hallway. That is why I think people are constantly judging me because I am constantly judging others.
But going off topic, there are just major aspects in my life that are now out of my control.
Journalism. I don't know how Dianne does it. We're on deadline on Monday and only a good seven people showed up for the voluntary attendance today to work on their layouts. And we're going to be working until seven on Monday. I seriously don't know if we can finish the paper by Monday night. Or if we do finish it, if it will be a good paper. I know for the articles, people were just slapping together some quotes and sentences to make a barely cohesive article and I think it's going to be the same for the layouts.
Weekends. I have just lost interest in hanging out on the weekends. I wouldn't watch some mediocre movie just because my friends and I are going to "hang out." I'd rather opt out for a good conversation and some food thankyouverymuch. This is why there is no "mall culture" in Europe. Americans...sigh. And it seems like nowadays, people are just hitting themselves over the head with a frying pan or something. I won't be too specific on who and such becaues this is public and all, but some people just need to know, I don't care. At all. But if you were endured with this, you would too.
Thats all of my rant that I can post up here. Maybe if you ask, I'll tell you. If you don't really care, I understand, nobody should really care about stuff like this anyways.