(no subject)
today totally blew.
i went to church today and i was sitting in the "service" and was just quietly thinking to myself..yeah..i dont think i should be aloud to just sit and think..it makes me so depressed...i have to be singing lyrics or talking but..not quiteness..
yeah...so i had way to much thinking time and i just started bawling..in the middle of church..quitely...and wow.
i realized that alllllll this shit that happened has made me loose good friends and oppurtunites. and it sucks SO much.
like...carly...i would be friends with carly still if this shit never happend and me and evan would probably be dating i think and i would still best friends with megan and charity...and just alot of things have gotten twisted and fucked up within relationships too..like me and mallory...i talked to her today..and i think we're okay but i feel like ive lost like...some sort of connection with sam and rachel and amelia and mallory because i cant describe to them what i feel anymore..i mean seriously, it just used to be the cute guy i flirted with in the halls today or...OH MY GOD..did you hear what she said about me?..or my boyfriend dumped me today...blah blah blah
and i used to think those were the hard days..WOW..was i SO wrong..i would give anything to have a normal teenager's life..
and i kept thinking about how much i wanted to be ten years old again, not having to worry about anything except for what i was having for lunch
and i never expected my life to be where it is now..
i never even imagined it..
i thought those girls with T H O S E lives were only in movies and in countries accross the sea...
but M I N E???
and like..i'm not blaming myself anymore for it...well it was kind of my fault..i shoudlnt have been there..but yeah i didnt plan it or make it happen..
but..i dont know anymore.
i just wanna be happy and regular.
i went to church today and i was sitting in the "service" and was just quietly thinking to myself..yeah..i dont think i should be aloud to just sit and think..it makes me so depressed...i have to be singing lyrics or talking but..not quiteness..
yeah...so i had way to much thinking time and i just started bawling..in the middle of church..quitely...and wow.
i realized that alllllll this shit that happened has made me loose good friends and oppurtunites. and it sucks SO much.
like...carly...i would be friends with carly still if this shit never happend and me and evan would probably be dating i think and i would still best friends with megan and charity...and just alot of things have gotten twisted and fucked up within relationships too..like me and mallory...i talked to her today..and i think we're okay but i feel like ive lost like...some sort of connection with sam and rachel and amelia and mallory because i cant describe to them what i feel anymore..i mean seriously, it just used to be the cute guy i flirted with in the halls today or...OH MY GOD..did you hear what she said about me?..or my boyfriend dumped me today...blah blah blah
and i used to think those were the hard days..WOW..was i SO wrong..i would give anything to have a normal teenager's life..
and i kept thinking about how much i wanted to be ten years old again, not having to worry about anything except for what i was having for lunch
and i never expected my life to be where it is now..
i never even imagined it..
i thought those girls with T H O S E lives were only in movies and in countries accross the sea...
but M I N E???
and like..i'm not blaming myself anymore for it...well it was kind of my fault..i shoudlnt have been there..but yeah i didnt plan it or make it happen..
but..i dont know anymore.
i just wanna be happy and regular.