Nothing-Depressed-Happy-Killer-shit bipolar

[_j_et_embrasse]

*Sigh* It's kind of funny how the world passes by so quickly.Everyday is a new day and it gets to the point where I feel the world is becoming smarter than I am.Usually when I want alone time, especially in the rain, I'll hit the city at night in my car and just drive with some calm music.I like it.I like it because its beautiful if you drive subconciously, you know where your kind of day dreaming at the same time?, the lights hit the rain drops on the window and give off an array of lights.Every time it's depressing.I wish I wasn't me most of the time.Not myself.I wish, rather, that I was the person I saw walking on the sidewalk, laughing, with his/her friends, not a care in the world.You know I, I just find it hard to show the right type of emotion at the right times.I was driving, and this song came on by Zero Seven called In The Waiting Line.It was one of those backround songs for what I looked at, to be an image of happiness but I ask myself, are they really happy on the inside?I had a dream last night.Oh was it a beautiful dream.I cannot in anyway type it because youll get the worng idea.I went to bed with the most precious and beautiful girls, not even God could conjure up such a beautiful figure and flawless face.She had hugged me and I layed my head on her and just talked to her.I dont know what I said but I talked and she just....i dunno it was.....love.Thats it.But the whole dream was blue.Blue and love.What an eclectic combination of beauty and intimacy.But lately I wished I never did anything I regretted.I wished I never had smoked marijuana because I still think I am feeling some after effects for some reason.I think it made me dumber.I wish I had all of my friends to chill with one day.Even to talk every moment with you guys is a pleasure, thats why I talk so much because theres so much to talk about.
I want to layback and relax.I want to slip into an ecstasy of a dream and stay there.I wish I could cry, cry in joy, cry in pain.I want to just....yeah