(no subject)
CHAPTER 2
i have completely put off discussing you here
not because of lack of words for it;;
but because i would like to reffer to you as my complete and utter downfall
you;re not entirely what we would call a bad person;;
by any means;;
you have your merrits&&&believe me i will not forget to mention them here.
funny;; considerate;; all that jazz
obsessive;; notibly
we met in spring somehow;;
probally more by me wanting to hate something that he hated
i loved to hate what he hated
like a goddamn team comprimised of actions of ridiculousness
reguardless;;
for some reason i had a hard time attacking you
and by a few days of chat;;
you had me hanging out with you
now this;; this did not make a certain anyone happy.
by any means;;
but you were like life to me at that time;;
&&&he was like walking into that stiff feeling you get at a funeral home;;
no matter what the circustances of your visit;;
you just aren;t happy.
so we did what we did;;
for months.
what a lot of people never knew;;
was after the prom in my 11th grade year;;
i snuck over to your house&&&hid with you in your backyard
this was the prequel for a onsolot of shit that followed;;
but despite my fucking prediction abilities;;
i could never picture something like that happening to me in my life.
the day i found out my best friend had killed himself;; weather or not a product of some small action like a prom;;
my mom dropped me off at one of the only places i felt any sanctuary at all
for that time;; meagan was all i had by means of a true best friend.
you rode your bicicle all the way over there;;
in all actuality not really that far;; maybe a mile or two;;
a road i had learned to traverse between her house and yours.
luckily enough for you;; i had just left him due to stress.
the mounting stress&&&guilt about my best friend made an arrangement like his and mine impossible
me weeping in a may day on a sunny front porch;;
you asked me to be your girlfriend
intirely inappropriate yet somewhat excusable for me to agree
this started it all.
me being depressed&&¬ caring about anything at all;;
the weekend of the jubilee in the back of a crown victoria are not memories that suit us.
in fact;; the simple fact i do write about you is because we slept together;;; doesn;t do justice to your exsistence.
you shouldn;t exsist in a story like this at all.
frankly;; because my sleeping with you somewhat causes me an amount of disgust.
you were an amazing best friend;;
&&&are somewhat still a good one.
cheaping this memory does nothing by the way of all the walks on the beach;;
kings dominion
or jillian;s.
i could say in my heart that you meant something to me that it is hard to put any amount of reasoning to;;
&&&something i would never want to be labeled.
i have completely put off discussing you here
not because of lack of words for it;;
but because i would like to reffer to you as my complete and utter downfall
you;re not entirely what we would call a bad person;;
by any means;;
you have your merrits&&&believe me i will not forget to mention them here.
funny;; considerate;; all that jazz
obsessive;; notibly
we met in spring somehow;;
probally more by me wanting to hate something that he hated
i loved to hate what he hated
like a goddamn team comprimised of actions of ridiculousness
reguardless;;
for some reason i had a hard time attacking you
and by a few days of chat;;
you had me hanging out with you
now this;; this did not make a certain anyone happy.
by any means;;
but you were like life to me at that time;;
&&&he was like walking into that stiff feeling you get at a funeral home;;
no matter what the circustances of your visit;;
you just aren;t happy.
so we did what we did;;
for months.
what a lot of people never knew;;
was after the prom in my 11th grade year;;
i snuck over to your house&&&hid with you in your backyard
this was the prequel for a onsolot of shit that followed;;
but despite my fucking prediction abilities;;
i could never picture something like that happening to me in my life.
the day i found out my best friend had killed himself;; weather or not a product of some small action like a prom;;
my mom dropped me off at one of the only places i felt any sanctuary at all
for that time;; meagan was all i had by means of a true best friend.
you rode your bicicle all the way over there;;
in all actuality not really that far;; maybe a mile or two;;
a road i had learned to traverse between her house and yours.
luckily enough for you;; i had just left him due to stress.
the mounting stress&&&guilt about my best friend made an arrangement like his and mine impossible
me weeping in a may day on a sunny front porch;;
you asked me to be your girlfriend
intirely inappropriate yet somewhat excusable for me to agree
this started it all.
me being depressed&&¬ caring about anything at all;;
the weekend of the jubilee in the back of a crown victoria are not memories that suit us.
in fact;; the simple fact i do write about you is because we slept together;;; doesn;t do justice to your exsistence.
you shouldn;t exsist in a story like this at all.
frankly;; because my sleeping with you somewhat causes me an amount of disgust.
you were an amazing best friend;;
&&&are somewhat still a good one.
cheaping this memory does nothing by the way of all the walks on the beach;;
kings dominion
or jillian;s.
i could say in my heart that you meant something to me that it is hard to put any amount of reasoning to;;
&&&something i would never want to be labeled.