(no subject)
sometimes i wish i could meet the 7 year old me.
i forget what i was like. im not sure i remember what i looked like. i think i was cute. it was right around when i started to feel awkward in my skin i think. ali always teases me when i tell her that i felt awkward way before i was a preteen or even close to puberty.
id love to meet the 7 year old me though, and give myself a hug. and tell myself that i was going to be okay. and that i didnt have to be scared or cry all the time. tell myself that i was doing a good job and that things would not get easier really, but that theyd make more sense. i think id tell myself to love..myself a little more. i think im okay now but i think the 7 year old me could have stood to hear that.
i am in a slump lately. after work i dont want to do much of anything. i think if i had my own car i would not be like that but i dont. and i wont be getting one cos ali isnt getting her own anymore and its silly for me to get one for 5 months. its weird that it is almost february and i am leaving in june. i dont have enough money saved to move at all. not even close. i am going to have to work a lot this summer doing something so that i can get a new place. my rent is going up since there are only 3 of us in the house now and i have a huge credit card bill since my flight to ny was on it and i spent a lot of money last month like an idiot. uuuuugh. money. i dont usually complain about it but moving requires a lot of money and...i dont have it.
i need a change. and my favorite person that i hung out with here and i are not really close at all anymore. i just miss that one close connection. ill be 23 in 3.5 months. even though we are not dating anymore, and he is all the way over in spain, since i dated craig, i never feel like i am getting older, and i kind of wish i did. i feel like i am still young and naive and not old or cultured enough. i hate that.
aaaaaaand everyone in my house is either in weight watchers or goes to the gym at night. i feel like i should go. i consider it at night. but i really dont want to. not yet. i need some real motivation and i guess being the smallest person in the house....im not too motivated.
i forget what i was like. im not sure i remember what i looked like. i think i was cute. it was right around when i started to feel awkward in my skin i think. ali always teases me when i tell her that i felt awkward way before i was a preteen or even close to puberty.
id love to meet the 7 year old me though, and give myself a hug. and tell myself that i was going to be okay. and that i didnt have to be scared or cry all the time. tell myself that i was doing a good job and that things would not get easier really, but that theyd make more sense. i think id tell myself to love..myself a little more. i think im okay now but i think the 7 year old me could have stood to hear that.
i am in a slump lately. after work i dont want to do much of anything. i think if i had my own car i would not be like that but i dont. and i wont be getting one cos ali isnt getting her own anymore and its silly for me to get one for 5 months. its weird that it is almost february and i am leaving in june. i dont have enough money saved to move at all. not even close. i am going to have to work a lot this summer doing something so that i can get a new place. my rent is going up since there are only 3 of us in the house now and i have a huge credit card bill since my flight to ny was on it and i spent a lot of money last month like an idiot. uuuuugh. money. i dont usually complain about it but moving requires a lot of money and...i dont have it.
i need a change. and my favorite person that i hung out with here and i are not really close at all anymore. i just miss that one close connection. ill be 23 in 3.5 months. even though we are not dating anymore, and he is all the way over in spain, since i dated craig, i never feel like i am getting older, and i kind of wish i did. i feel like i am still young and naive and not old or cultured enough. i hate that.
aaaaaaand everyone in my house is either in weight watchers or goes to the gym at night. i feel like i should go. i consider it at night. but i really dont want to. not yet. i need some real motivation and i guess being the smallest person in the house....im not too motivated.