(no subject)
So moving home from school was hard for me.
I had two really close friends when I left for college. One, McKenzie. I roomed with her in a dorm at Mizzou. We had been good friends in grade school, then she became a compulsive liar and hung out with different people, and we didnt really talk for a few years. Senior year in high school, we became close again, she apparently had changed her ways too. Well, at Mizzou, I found out she was still the same deceiving person, only now, a big fat slut too. I moved out. We don't talk anymore.
Then there was Erin. I've talked about her a TON before. Since the day we met in 6th grade, we have been BEST friends. Nothing ever came between us. We had one big fight where we didn't talk for a few months, and I felt empty without her. And we became friends again. We have been through everything together. A genuine best friendship. We were there for each other, we talked to each other. During summer, we were together like siamese twins. After me and her both stopped talking to McKenzie, and I moved out of the dorm, she moved to Columbia to be with me. Again, things didn't work out. Only because of a boy she met, and then ignored me for.
My other close friends went to other universities, and I knew things would never be the same. But I was OK with that, because I knew I'd always have Erin at least. Well I was wrong.
So when I get here, I basically come home to no one but family. I had Kenny, but I had him the whole school year. He is also one of my best friends, we spent a lot of time together.
One reason I was looking forward to coming home was Lindsey. By the time I was moving home, we had only met I think once. I was going to stay in Columbia and work something out between school, or beauty school, but then she came up with the crazy idea of moving in together, and just like that, I was there. I jumped at the chance to make a new really good friend. Although we aren't moving in together for awhile, we are starting to get a lot closer.
Normally, with girls, I don't like them. Hah. I always had Erin. At parties and stuff, we'd NEVER EVER EVER talk to girls. Because I didn't want to. Girls are bad. We just hung around guys all the time. And girls would give us dirty looks. Again, we didn't care, because it was just Me and Erin. As far as we were concerned, there WERE no other girls there...
I've always looked at the world like that. Erin was seriously all I needed in life. She let me down. She took our 7 year best friendship, and her and her bf stomped all over it, laughing. I felt like she never actually cared about our friendship. And that's so sad to me. I wasted 7 years on a girl that was willing to completely ditch me for the dirtiest, shadiest, most violent person she could meet. Why?...
But I'm over it. A friend like that is a friend I don't need. Me and Lindsey are great together. And she wrote about it in her journal, and that made me happy. And despite things going on with Kenny right now, I genuinely am a happy person...just not with mine and his situation. I wasn't happy before. The entire time I was at Mizzou I was struggling. I was losing good friends left and right, I knew I'd have to leave. Things with my parents weren't good. I was overly depressed and tired. And Kenny doesn't understand that...
He says we argue blah blah...but you know what. I couldn't help but argue. I had nothing to be happy about. I was having fun with Kenny and everything, but he wasn't the most important thing in my life. And I lost everything else. Now me and Lindsey are building this great new friendship. And I'm meeting MORE friends through her. It's just such a great feeling. I feel like I'm getting a chance to start over with a new best friend. Sort of how I want to start over with Kenny too.
The only thing that bothers me about me and Kenny is the fact we can see other people. We both CAN, but neither of us are. And I don't like the thought of him being with other girls. So that makes me mad. So when he ditches me or blows me off, I can't help but think another girl might be over there, so I get mad. He doesn't understand this. Especially if I just knew that we are only with each other, I'd be so much more happier, and I could guarantee we would hardly argue, because my life would be perfect.
But what's the point. He leaves for school in a month. And he probably won't think it's worth it to try to stay together. I'm CONSTANTLY meeting new people through Lindsey, and getting to know a lot of cool guys....and needless to say, he probably will do the same with girls at school. I just wish he would give us the chance to make it work, while we have the time, BEFORE he leaves, so we're strong enough to make it while he's gone. It would be easier to start fresh now and work on things before he leaves, because once he's gone, ill definitely see him no more than once a week FOR SURE, but probably only once every 2 weeks. IF we wait til he leaves, and suddenly he thinks we can work it out...it might be too late...I can see the difficulties of starting a relationship in the midst of being long distance.
So yea. This entry was really long, but I got to speak about two very important people in my life. I hope my relationships with both of them get stronger and last, because I don't want to lose either one of them.
I had two really close friends when I left for college. One, McKenzie. I roomed with her in a dorm at Mizzou. We had been good friends in grade school, then she became a compulsive liar and hung out with different people, and we didnt really talk for a few years. Senior year in high school, we became close again, she apparently had changed her ways too. Well, at Mizzou, I found out she was still the same deceiving person, only now, a big fat slut too. I moved out. We don't talk anymore.
Then there was Erin. I've talked about her a TON before. Since the day we met in 6th grade, we have been BEST friends. Nothing ever came between us. We had one big fight where we didn't talk for a few months, and I felt empty without her. And we became friends again. We have been through everything together. A genuine best friendship. We were there for each other, we talked to each other. During summer, we were together like siamese twins. After me and her both stopped talking to McKenzie, and I moved out of the dorm, she moved to Columbia to be with me. Again, things didn't work out. Only because of a boy she met, and then ignored me for.
My other close friends went to other universities, and I knew things would never be the same. But I was OK with that, because I knew I'd always have Erin at least. Well I was wrong.
So when I get here, I basically come home to no one but family. I had Kenny, but I had him the whole school year. He is also one of my best friends, we spent a lot of time together.
One reason I was looking forward to coming home was Lindsey. By the time I was moving home, we had only met I think once. I was going to stay in Columbia and work something out between school, or beauty school, but then she came up with the crazy idea of moving in together, and just like that, I was there. I jumped at the chance to make a new really good friend. Although we aren't moving in together for awhile, we are starting to get a lot closer.
Normally, with girls, I don't like them. Hah. I always had Erin. At parties and stuff, we'd NEVER EVER EVER talk to girls. Because I didn't want to. Girls are bad. We just hung around guys all the time. And girls would give us dirty looks. Again, we didn't care, because it was just Me and Erin. As far as we were concerned, there WERE no other girls there...
I've always looked at the world like that. Erin was seriously all I needed in life. She let me down. She took our 7 year best friendship, and her and her bf stomped all over it, laughing. I felt like she never actually cared about our friendship. And that's so sad to me. I wasted 7 years on a girl that was willing to completely ditch me for the dirtiest, shadiest, most violent person she could meet. Why?...
But I'm over it. A friend like that is a friend I don't need. Me and Lindsey are great together. And she wrote about it in her journal, and that made me happy. And despite things going on with Kenny right now, I genuinely am a happy person...just not with mine and his situation. I wasn't happy before. The entire time I was at Mizzou I was struggling. I was losing good friends left and right, I knew I'd have to leave. Things with my parents weren't good. I was overly depressed and tired. And Kenny doesn't understand that...
He says we argue blah blah...but you know what. I couldn't help but argue. I had nothing to be happy about. I was having fun with Kenny and everything, but he wasn't the most important thing in my life. And I lost everything else. Now me and Lindsey are building this great new friendship. And I'm meeting MORE friends through her. It's just such a great feeling. I feel like I'm getting a chance to start over with a new best friend. Sort of how I want to start over with Kenny too.
The only thing that bothers me about me and Kenny is the fact we can see other people. We both CAN, but neither of us are. And I don't like the thought of him being with other girls. So that makes me mad. So when he ditches me or blows me off, I can't help but think another girl might be over there, so I get mad. He doesn't understand this. Especially if I just knew that we are only with each other, I'd be so much more happier, and I could guarantee we would hardly argue, because my life would be perfect.
But what's the point. He leaves for school in a month. And he probably won't think it's worth it to try to stay together. I'm CONSTANTLY meeting new people through Lindsey, and getting to know a lot of cool guys....and needless to say, he probably will do the same with girls at school. I just wish he would give us the chance to make it work, while we have the time, BEFORE he leaves, so we're strong enough to make it while he's gone. It would be easier to start fresh now and work on things before he leaves, because once he's gone, ill definitely see him no more than once a week FOR SURE, but probably only once every 2 weeks. IF we wait til he leaves, and suddenly he thinks we can work it out...it might be too late...I can see the difficulties of starting a relationship in the midst of being long distance.
So yea. This entry was really long, but I got to speak about two very important people in my life. I hope my relationships with both of them get stronger and last, because I don't want to lose either one of them.