Seriously....what Motivates me to do such stupid shit!?
I'm now counting as moving back to Milwaukee as stupid shit. I havent seen my grades and I dont have to. That part doesnt even fucking matter. I had stable shit here in Winter Park...granted I hate florida, the people i went to high school with(there are some exceptions), and the fact that there is jack shit to do here but atleast I had decent friends. Friends that were caught up in all sorts of stupid shit or over stressed by school so much that they have panic attacks and have to suck down a xanax to feel better. I dont judge those people if it's legit anxiety but for FUCK'S SAKE! I hate seeing people panic all the time...or people that think I care about their meaningless drama crap!
Literally...the only thing keeping in Milwaukee is the riding team. I'm not fucking kidding. I hate the school, I dont like my apartment (it's not bad but i'm not a HUGE fan), my friends happen to suck more than be awesome, and everytime it's about to snow i think my knees might explode. I sometimes think that getting hit by a car and having to go to the hospital would be great since it gives me a better excuse to have to come home and stuff. How retarded is that? Like...being in a hospital would be better than school at UWM...thats what I'm saying.
But now i feel like I have no friends again while i'm in florida even though I have a few. I never get to talk to my "boyfriend" and it feels like he doesnt care...but how do i know...i can never get ahold of him. I know it's not personal and he doesnt intentionally forget me...but ya never know, i get paranoid and think everyone hates me half the time. I've been thinking this and everything above since week 2 of being back in Milwaukee. Well...all except the 'boyfriend' part which was slightly more recent and started around thanksgiving...but that part is more of an "oh well, i guess". I'm going to atleast finish the year in Milwaukee and if i DO come home...It will be in the summer. But by that time I dont even know if I'll have friends in the WP. Fuck who knows.
I also dont want to abandon the riding team since I'm now the Show Captain. Plus I love riding and dont see myself being able to do that in Florida. FUCK. I hate all this shit. Yes, i'm also aware that it is infact christmas and blah blah but i wanna get this off my chest(again). I cant stand anything anymore and I just want a hug, and sometihng stable. Whether thats a stable set of friends i can TRUST, a stable boyfriend i can trust, school/work, what the hell ever! I just want something that wont be all sorts of fucked up and irritating. Good luck...I know.
Literally...the only thing keeping in Milwaukee is the riding team. I'm not fucking kidding. I hate the school, I dont like my apartment (it's not bad but i'm not a HUGE fan), my friends happen to suck more than be awesome, and everytime it's about to snow i think my knees might explode. I sometimes think that getting hit by a car and having to go to the hospital would be great since it gives me a better excuse to have to come home and stuff. How retarded is that? Like...being in a hospital would be better than school at UWM...thats what I'm saying.
But now i feel like I have no friends again while i'm in florida even though I have a few. I never get to talk to my "boyfriend" and it feels like he doesnt care...but how do i know...i can never get ahold of him. I know it's not personal and he doesnt intentionally forget me...but ya never know, i get paranoid and think everyone hates me half the time. I've been thinking this and everything above since week 2 of being back in Milwaukee. Well...all except the 'boyfriend' part which was slightly more recent and started around thanksgiving...but that part is more of an "oh well, i guess". I'm going to atleast finish the year in Milwaukee and if i DO come home...It will be in the summer. But by that time I dont even know if I'll have friends in the WP. Fuck who knows.
I also dont want to abandon the riding team since I'm now the Show Captain. Plus I love riding and dont see myself being able to do that in Florida. FUCK. I hate all this shit. Yes, i'm also aware that it is infact christmas and blah blah but i wanna get this off my chest(again). I cant stand anything anymore and I just want a hug, and sometihng stable. Whether thats a stable set of friends i can TRUST, a stable boyfriend i can trust, school/work, what the hell ever! I just want something that wont be all sorts of fucked up and irritating. Good luck...I know.