(no subject)
time moves so quickly. you don't even realize its there until theres just enough of it left to say what you need to say to the people who have swiftly come and go in and out of your life. and change. oh the woes that burden a changing man. change can make something that once was insignificant, suddenly...prominent. unforgettable. dreadfully bold.
when your young, everything is pure. i am still young. but i dont feel young. i feel as if an entire lifetime of pain and brutal honesty is ending. although so much life lay before me, i feel numb to it...i cannot imagine the future. my fingers and hair and eyes and bones have all grown....why can i not feel the changes. why do i feel worn.....i talk to younger children about my past, as if i have lived more than 15 years of it. it makes no sense. in a mere 3 years, i will be graduating from highschool. onto college, then onto wherever life decides to take me. but why does it all seem to amount to nothing. to live and then to die. and where from here? do we have any ruling over our own fate or is it just all an elaborate, and painful plan to lead us right back to where we started? things are changing...and i am scared. i watched home movies of my family when i was younger...so many people now are missing from the movies and photographs...some are gone, or older, or injured, or moving away. and i feel as if im stuck. i am still here, i am still 3 feet tall. time passes but i do not budge. and even in death, i will still be the age i am now, walking and talking and breathing for the first time. and you will always find me right here. right now. forever. stuck in a single moment.
when your young, everything is pure. i am still young. but i dont feel young. i feel as if an entire lifetime of pain and brutal honesty is ending. although so much life lay before me, i feel numb to it...i cannot imagine the future. my fingers and hair and eyes and bones have all grown....why can i not feel the changes. why do i feel worn.....i talk to younger children about my past, as if i have lived more than 15 years of it. it makes no sense. in a mere 3 years, i will be graduating from highschool. onto college, then onto wherever life decides to take me. but why does it all seem to amount to nothing. to live and then to die. and where from here? do we have any ruling over our own fate or is it just all an elaborate, and painful plan to lead us right back to where we started? things are changing...and i am scared. i watched home movies of my family when i was younger...so many people now are missing from the movies and photographs...some are gone, or older, or injured, or moving away. and i feel as if im stuck. i am still here, i am still 3 feet tall. time passes but i do not budge. and even in death, i will still be the age i am now, walking and talking and breathing for the first time. and you will always find me right here. right now. forever. stuck in a single moment.