(no subject)
I stepped outside myself for a moment there. It was awkward, standing, staring at the small, pathetic girl i saw. It was just a moment, one of those times that you kind of reflect on the way you are at that exact second, and wonder am I going to be this way forever?
I feel trapped in this body, in this state of mind.
For the rest of my life, I will struggle to be heard. I am too shruken to be heard. Will I always feel this small? Everytime that I'm encircled by large sums of people, will I always feel so isolated?
I will always be a loser.
I will always lie in bed and listen to Roy Orbison and write poetry to try and change something inside of me, that kind of sticks. It's like an itch I can never get to. I will always be the one you barely notice, the nice girl that might as well wear a shirt that says "Walk all over me." I'm such a fucking pushover. Such a fucking pussy.
Such a fucking nothing.
Nothing.
A complete black hole.
A hopeless case.
A sad, sad tiny speck on a world full of dots.
Why do I constantly feel as if I'm running senseless and getting nowhere.
I'm used, abused,
and so fucking pathetic it makes me sick.
I'm not cool. It's not in my body structure to be "cool." I'm Sam. Little innocent Sam. The one that will make it.
I get up every morning feeling as if I'm falling.
Losing.
Failing.
Searching for dreams I don't have the right to think about. For friends that don't truly care.
I give advice. If you wanna know the truth, I talk through my ass. Nothing I can say or do will ever make it better for anyone, who am i kidding. I'm no one. Why should they listen to me.
Hell, there's even people that use me for my fucking brother. and what do i do? Sit back and let it happen. Stab me, drown me...hurt me. It has no effect. I'm callous. Immune.
What a load of shit.
I'm pathetic.
I'm sad.
Everyone's favorite joke.
I don't do drugs. I don't drink. Probably mainly because im scared.
Fuck, I'm scared of everything. I'm probably scared of you.
I'm not cool, I don't listen to your music, I don't like that movie, I don't wear those clothes, I don't hate anyone, I don't like anything.
To sum it up, I suck.
So thats me. No jokes, no scams, no lies, and nothing to try and impress anyone. Flat out, this is the way I am, and though I may fucking hate it...unfortunately, i will always be this way. it's sad. but, its life. i don't wanna be fake. But I don't wanna be me.
Man, I'm gonna regret this.
I feel trapped in this body, in this state of mind.
For the rest of my life, I will struggle to be heard. I am too shruken to be heard. Will I always feel this small? Everytime that I'm encircled by large sums of people, will I always feel so isolated?
I will always be a loser.
I will always lie in bed and listen to Roy Orbison and write poetry to try and change something inside of me, that kind of sticks. It's like an itch I can never get to. I will always be the one you barely notice, the nice girl that might as well wear a shirt that says "Walk all over me." I'm such a fucking pushover. Such a fucking pussy.
Such a fucking nothing.
Nothing.
A complete black hole.
A hopeless case.
A sad, sad tiny speck on a world full of dots.
Why do I constantly feel as if I'm running senseless and getting nowhere.
I'm used, abused,
and so fucking pathetic it makes me sick.
I'm not cool. It's not in my body structure to be "cool." I'm Sam. Little innocent Sam. The one that will make it.
I get up every morning feeling as if I'm falling.
Losing.
Failing.
Searching for dreams I don't have the right to think about. For friends that don't truly care.
I give advice. If you wanna know the truth, I talk through my ass. Nothing I can say or do will ever make it better for anyone, who am i kidding. I'm no one. Why should they listen to me.
Hell, there's even people that use me for my fucking brother. and what do i do? Sit back and let it happen. Stab me, drown me...hurt me. It has no effect. I'm callous. Immune.
What a load of shit.
I'm pathetic.
I'm sad.
Everyone's favorite joke.
I don't do drugs. I don't drink. Probably mainly because im scared.
Fuck, I'm scared of everything. I'm probably scared of you.
I'm not cool, I don't listen to your music, I don't like that movie, I don't wear those clothes, I don't hate anyone, I don't like anything.
To sum it up, I suck.
So thats me. No jokes, no scams, no lies, and nothing to try and impress anyone. Flat out, this is the way I am, and though I may fucking hate it...unfortunately, i will always be this way. it's sad. but, its life. i don't wanna be fake. But I don't wanna be me.
Man, I'm gonna regret this.