Unrealistic expectations of other types
Hey, fellow INFPs! I have a couple of things I've been thinking about, and I'm wondering if some of you might have the same problems, or ideas of how to fix them.
The problem I've been having lately has to do with empathy. I know we INFPs are wired with the capacity to be way more empathetic than most, and to be genuinely interested in and supportive of people's pursuits and happiness. I am the person who always ends up sitting in a parking lot for hours with a friend, trying to figure out what makes them tick, what they need to do in order to be happy, and I gain inexpressible amounts of joy from doing this. I love the thought that I could help someone else figure out who they are. Friends come to me with projects they're unsure of, talents they're insecure about, and I talk them down and tell them to go for it, and I know I've helped more than one person gain confidence that way.
Usually, I don't really need the favor returned. I feel as though I spend enough time figuring myself out, that I know myself well enough and what it is I want out of life, and most importantly, that I shouldn't rely on other people's support to do what I truly love. I also recognize that while helping others this way is incredibly rewarding to me, it may not be for other people. They may even want to do it and not know how, or they don't feel like I need it. 98% of the time I think nothing of it.
Every now and again, though, I get bitter. I have a project or a story or something I'm insecure about, and I bring it to one of my friends and they say something like "cool" and then move on to talking about how their cat made this really weird face at them yesterday, or how great Triscuits are without the salt (they're not). With most of my friends this doesn't faze me, because they're not really close friends? But sometimes I could really use some encouragement, and I get bitter and a tiny bit angry when my truly close friends don't seem to realize or care. Which makes me stop wanting to be helpful and supportive in return, which makes them irritated with me, and the cycle spirals on.
I cringe when I hear people talk about how no one appreciates their efforts. I don't want to be that whiny person, and I don't want to have to rely on other people for encouragement. I know not many of the other types are wired to understand or notice people's needs, or to be as concerned with them. But sometimes it just doesn't matter that I know why. Sometimes I just get down and frustrated, and embittered towards the people I love and care about.
Sound familiar to anyone?
The problem I've been having lately has to do with empathy. I know we INFPs are wired with the capacity to be way more empathetic than most, and to be genuinely interested in and supportive of people's pursuits and happiness. I am the person who always ends up sitting in a parking lot for hours with a friend, trying to figure out what makes them tick, what they need to do in order to be happy, and I gain inexpressible amounts of joy from doing this. I love the thought that I could help someone else figure out who they are. Friends come to me with projects they're unsure of, talents they're insecure about, and I talk them down and tell them to go for it, and I know I've helped more than one person gain confidence that way.
Usually, I don't really need the favor returned. I feel as though I spend enough time figuring myself out, that I know myself well enough and what it is I want out of life, and most importantly, that I shouldn't rely on other people's support to do what I truly love. I also recognize that while helping others this way is incredibly rewarding to me, it may not be for other people. They may even want to do it and not know how, or they don't feel like I need it. 98% of the time I think nothing of it.
Every now and again, though, I get bitter. I have a project or a story or something I'm insecure about, and I bring it to one of my friends and they say something like "cool" and then move on to talking about how their cat made this really weird face at them yesterday, or how great Triscuits are without the salt (they're not). With most of my friends this doesn't faze me, because they're not really close friends? But sometimes I could really use some encouragement, and I get bitter and a tiny bit angry when my truly close friends don't seem to realize or care. Which makes me stop wanting to be helpful and supportive in return, which makes them irritated with me, and the cycle spirals on.
I cringe when I hear people talk about how no one appreciates their efforts. I don't want to be that whiny person, and I don't want to have to rely on other people for encouragement. I know not many of the other types are wired to understand or notice people's needs, or to be as concerned with them. But sometimes it just doesn't matter that I know why. Sometimes I just get down and frustrated, and embittered towards the people I love and care about.
Sound familiar to anyone?