comm tech script
Audio for Kelly's Talk Show
Music: "Aqua - Roses are Red" is playing
Kelly: "Good evening, and welcome to Analyzing Anomalies. I'm your host, Kelly Schill.
>Audience clapping
Kelly: "Thank you...Now our wood of the day is "Dedication", which is described by dictionary.com as "selfless devotion". This word has been chosen in recognition of our 100th episode, because it has taken my crew of amazing back-stage helpers and technical geniuses many months of dedication to get our program this far. We have a whole bunch of great and exciting stuff lined up for you today on this very special edition of A. A. So let's kick it off with today's very special guest!"
>guest walks out to the song "My Baby Takes the Morning Train"
>audience clapping
Kelly: "It's wonderful of you to come and visit us tonight, Brother! Now, when I say "brother", I don't mean to say that this very important man is related to me. *giggles* No, today's guest, who definately fits our topic of "detication" spent many years of his life in Spain and France deticating his life to one of purity. Brother Silas, more commonly known as "Super Monk" is a man of the Lord whose life went out of control after he was abandonned by his deadbeat father. Isn't that right?"
Silas: "Well...no not exactly."
Kelly: "Haha, isn't he funny?"
>audience laughs
Kelly: "Now, Brother Silas, tell us about your tragic past. What was it your father used to call you?"
Silas: "He used to call me a ghost."
>audience "awwwwww!"
Kelly: "Isn't that terrible? A father ridiculing his son just because he has the sixth sense!"
>audience "awwwwww!"
Silas: "Excuse me?"
Kelly: "Well, it's obvious why he called you that; because you have the ability to contact the dead...You see dead people, Silas, and I understand that must be very painful but-"
Silas: "No, actually... My father used to call me that because I was born with albinism..."
Kelly: "Oh...so you can read minds...wow..."
>audience "ooooo!"
Silas: "No, no I'm an albino!"
Kelly:"...Oh of course! *laughs* Well this might surprise you, but we have something in common! I'm also an albino!"
>audience clapping
*Silas looks at Kelly, confused*
Silas: "What are you talking about? You're not an albino!"
Kelly: "I don't know about that, Brother, Time Magazine has officially dubbed me "The Albino Oprah"
>audience laughs
Silas: "Quam praesumo vos irreverens vir Deus"
Kelly: "Right. Now, I understand you recently committed a murder. Is that correct?"
Silas: "Well yes, in order to protect the secret of the sanctus mica de Christo"
>audience "ooooooh!"
Kelly: "Wow, Brother Silas, that does sound very interesting...why don't you tell us some more about this secret?"
Silas: "Because if I told you the secret of the sanctus mica I would have to kill every one of you!"
>audience laughs
Kelly: "Oh you certainly do have a sense of humour, Brother- Can I call you Brother?"
Silas: "No."
Kelly: "What about just Bro?"
Silas: "No."
Kelly: "Well, can I call you Super Monk?"
Silas: "NO!"
Kelly: "Tell me about this secret club of yours."
Silas: "What are you on about?"
Kelly: "You know, your secret little club, the one where you kill people and cut yourselves."
Silas: "How can you possibly have so much disrespect?"
Kelly: "Hey that's what I'm paid for!"
>audience laughs
Kelly: "I'm sorry, Brother Silas, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. You know that I have infinate respect for evil monks."
Silas: "I'm not evil, and I do not appreciate being referred to as evil. I am a messenger of God."
Kelly: "You're probably right...how could an evil man have such an angelic face?"
>audience "awwwwww!"
Silas: "What are you saying?"
Kelly: "I'm saying you're a cutie! Isn't that right?"
>audience cheers
Kelly: "Now why don't you give me a little kiss?"
Silas: "What?!"
Kelly: "It's all right, we're all friends here. Just a little kiss."
Silas: "NO!"
>audience "awwwww!" (disappointed)
Silas: "I don't think you understand who I am."
Kelly: "Of course I do, I'm the host!"
Silas: "I'm a man of God. I can't kiss a woman."
Kelly: "The Pope doesn't have to know."
Silas: "Quare es vos res sic villas?"
Kelly: "What?"
Silas: "You're just...really testing me."
Kelly: "What do you mean by that, Brother?"
Silas: "Well....the truth is Volo ut sex vos sursum, Kelly"
>audience cheers
Kelly: "All right, well I don't speak Latin but I do know that you must be really excited, because you know that none of our guests here on A. A. ever goes home without a fantastic gift!!"
>audience cheers
Silas: "A gift?"
Kelly: "Of course!"
Silas: "I don't think you understand...I have no possessions."
Kelly: "Well that's why we thought you would absolutely LOVE this brand new SONY 50 INCH PLASMA SCREEN TV!!!"
>audience cheers
Silas: "No, I'm a monk, a man of God. I can't have any-....is est vacuss."
Kelly: "That's great to hear, brother. Now remember previously when I asked you about your little club?"
Silas: "It's not a club, it's an organization called Opus Dei."
Kelly: "Can I join?"
Silas: "What?"
Kelly: "I wanna join your little club!"
Silas: "You can't."
Kelly: "Of course I can! I'm the host of the best-rated talk show on the air!"
Silas: "I'm sorry but aren't you Jewish?"
Kelly: "Well yeah, EVERYONE knows that!"
>audience claps
Silas: "Jews cannot join Opus Dei."
Kelly: "Come on, Silas, I didn't expect a cultured man like you to be a racist."
Silas: "No, you don't understand. Vos iustus operor non adepto is!!!"
Kelly: "Well what's your club about?"
Silas: "It is an extremely secret Catholic organization."
Kelly: "And...? What do you do?..."
Silas: "......................................."
Kelly: "And I think that's just about all we're going to get out of this murderous monk! Unfortunately, it's time for our commercial break. When we come back, we'll get the inside scoop. Unknown to Silas here, we had secret cameras all over the Abbey. We're going to discover what is' like to live a day in the life...of Brother Silas."
Silas: "WHAT?!"
Kelly:" Viewer discretion...strongly adviced."
Fin.
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Latin Translations
: "Quam praesumo vos irreverens vir Deus"- "You disrespect a man of God"
sanctus mica de Christo - Holy Grail of Christ
Quare es vos res sic villas?" - Why are you being so mean?
Volo ut sex vos sursum, Kelly" - I want to sex you up, Kelly
is est vacuss." - This is useless
Vos iustus operor non adepto is!!!" - You just don't get it!!